Title - Miracles Await

Author - Donna

Email address - donnah@pop.uky.edu

URL - www.geocities.com/Area51/Quadrant/4571/

Rating - PG-13

Category - MSR, angst

Spoilers - Per Manum

Keywords - MSR

Summary - Missing scene

Feedback - Please

Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunman and

Skinner all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 and Fox.

No infringement intended.

Miracles Await

He hesitated for just a moment outside of the door.

Damn, had he ever been more nervous approaching this

door?  Come on, you're a big, bad FBI agent, you can do

this.  He tapped on the door, then again.  When there

was still no response he didn't know whether to be sorry,

relieved, or just get the hell out of there.

Yeah, right.  He pulled his keys from his pocket and

proceeded to open the door.  "Scully?  Scully, you here?"

She wasn't.  Was that a good sign or a bad one?  What

could be taking so long?  He slipped his jacket off and

prepared to wait.

Wait?  He was lousy at it.  Weren't you supposed to

become more patient as you aged?  Well it wasn't

working with him.  Damn he'd been here, what twenty

seconds?  Already he was pacing.  Anything to keep from

thinking.

Had this been a mistake?

Don't go there again.  You've gone over everything,

every aspect of this situation from six million directions.

You made your decision - drop it!

Still he found himself pacing, revisiting his decision.

Stunned didn't even come close to the feeling he'd had

when Scully, Dana Scully, had asked him to be the father

of her child.  Shock didn't even do it.  He'd managed to

remain on his feet but that was about all.  He still didn't

remember what quip he had made but it had seemed to

ease her tension, and had brought a slight smile to her

face.  That he remembered.  Face it; if he was shocked,

what kind of agony had she been in to actually come to

him with such a request.

That request.  Even after all these years of loving the

woman he had never, ever entertained the idea that she

would even consider him as a father for any child she

might want.  Not for a second.

Oh he'd had fantasies, they had begun with the discovery

of Emily and had never really gone away.  She'd had a

child, and hadn't even been given the chance to know

her, to love her, as she desperately wanted.  He had

dreamed that the conception of Emily, while using her

stolen ova, had included his own stolen DNA.  It hadn't

been true.  Surely she would have told him if he had

been Emily's father - especially after the doctor had

asked them point blank at the hospital.  But the feeling,

the desire had never really gone away.  And to be honest

he'd never checked the file.  Knowing for certain that he

wasn't involved wouldn't change anything anyway.

Where was she?  He was going mad, wondering if a child

of his, of theirs, had been conceived.  He hadn't realized

just how much he wanted it when he had agreed.  Maybe

he had avoided knowing.  Maybe he had tried to think of

this as her child, her project.  It wasn't.  That was what he

had meant about this coming between them.  Could they

raise a child together?  Would she allow him that degree

of intimacy in her life?

He shook himself and retreated back to the couch.  A

hole in her carpet when she did finally arrive would not be

welcome.  None of these thoughts either, he was sure.

What would she allow him?  Oh, she would never keep

him from seeing the child, but would he ever know that

Mulder was his father.

Good Mulder, stick to chauvinistic stereotypes; earn a

kick in the balls.

But the question remained, would he/she/it ever call him

Dad?  And how much farther outside of his comfort zone

could he get and continue to breathe?  He had called his

father 'Dad'.  With him as the only role model, Scully

probably would get a restraining order and not let him

within 500 yards of the child.

He shook his head; that was ridiculous.  She had asked

for his assistance in this.  Hell, she had asked for his

sperm.  Maybe not the way he'd like to give it to her, but

a hell of a lot closer than he had ever honestly dreamed.

It was still hard for him to believe she had worked up the

courage to ask him.  Scully didn't open up to him, not

about things like this.

No, that wasn't strictly true.  Not any more.  Well, think

about it, had she ever?  She had called him when the

cancer had been diagnosed, not her mother, not her

brothers.  She had called him when she found Emily.

The only reason her family had known before him on that

was because she had blurted it out in shock Christmas

morning.  She had confessed that she had seen visions

of Emily on that case involving the quadruplets.  That had

been hard for her.  It wasn't scientific or logical.

She had been such a rock when his mother died.  He

would never have gotten through that without her.  And

he hadn't had to ask for her support, it was just there like

sunlight and oxygen.

Had she truly thought for an instant that he would refuse

this request?  Had he ever refused a request by her?

Nothing came to mind; he hoped he hadn't.

How many hours had he been here?  He checked his

watch, seventeen minutes?  Shit.

He had to think about something else.  That file he'd

pulled this afternoon, maybe they could check it . . . what

was he thinking?  If she was pregnant she couldn't go out

into the field.  He couldn't allow her to . . . Allow?  Did he

have the authority to forbid Scully to do anything?  But if

she was carrying his baby . . .

He sank further down on the couch.  God he would miss

her.  And yes, he was a selfish bastard.  She wanted this;

she wanted this more than anything.  He knew he owed

her no less than this.  Still, he had to admit that nine

months without her at his side would be difficult.

Of course, that brought up the unthinkable.  Would she

come back after the baby was born?  How could a single

mother be a field agent?  Would she be a single mother?

She wouldn't marry him - she had too much sense for

that, didn't she?  If they were married they couldn't be

partners.  Well, if she didn't come back they couldn't be

partners either.  He could admit now that he understood

why married couples weren't allowed in the field together.

Her safety had grown in importance with each case.  He

had never admitted that before, not even to himself.

Would she be satisfied going back to Quantico?  Or

would she want to leave the Bureau entirely?  Could he

afford enough child support to allow her to stay home?

Child support - one more thing they hadn't discussed.

He wanted to be part of this.  He wanted to be a father to

the child, and yes, to be in Scully's life.  What would

happen if she met someone after the baby was born?

Then his child would have a stepfather.  He closed his

eyes.  This was worse than when he'd made the actual

decision.  Of course, then he couldn't honestly say he

was thinking straight.  He had been so completely blown

away by Scully's request.

Damn, this was exhausting.  Where was she?  He let his

hand drop onto the back of the couch.

*****

The door wasn't locked.  That meant he was already

here, waiting for her.  Could she face him?  She didn't

want him here, not now.  She didn't want him here almost

as much as she did.

The sound of her entering caused him to stir.  "Scully?  I

must have drifted off.  I was waiting for you to get back."

There was silence and he was on his feet.  One look at

her face was enough.  "It didn't take, did it?"  His eye

involuntarily flicked down to her stomach and

immediately back up.

"I guess it was too much to hope for."  His arms went

around her and she lost her battle for composure.  "It was

my last chance."  He held her tighter as she gave in to

her grief.  He closed his eyes against his own pain.

Every doubt, every question he had raised was gone

from his head.   She was grieving for the loss of a child

that never had been, and he realized, he was too.

He pulled back for a second, and placed a kiss on her

forehead.  "Never give up on a miracle."  She kissed him

then and returned to the comfort of his arms.

They stood that way in silence for a moment.  When she

took a deep breath, he looked down at her.  "You need to

sit down."

She nodded tiredly and let him seat her on the couch.  It

was warm from his presence.  "Do you want to eat

anything?"

She was shaking her head before he could finish the

sentence.  "I'm not hungry Mulder.  Thanks.  Listen, you

don't have to hang around here if you have something

you need to - "

"Do you want me to leave?"

She looked down at her hands then, and didn't respond.

"Scully."  He tilted her head up toward him.  "Do you want

to be alone?"

The shake of her head was almost imperceptible and he

saw one last tear escape her eye.

"Good, because neither do I."  He pulled her into his lap

then and managed to hide his surprise at the lack of

protest.  She just cuddled down into the comfort of him

and he realized she was crying again.  She didn't look up

to see his own tears, trailing down into her hair.

When she had cried herself to sleep he thought for a

minute about moving her to her bed, but found he

couldn't do it.  He needed the comfort of her as much as

she seemed to need him right now.  He was stunned at

the depth of his grief.  Just an hour ago he had been

agonizing over whether or not he'd made the right

decision.  Now, in the cold light of reality, it had been no

contest.  There would be no uber-Mulders, not if she

couldn't have them.

He made himself more comfortable, stretching out on the

couch with her in his arms.  He felt confident that she

wouldn't protest his presence tonight.  And there was no

way he could make himself leave.

Maybe they hadn't tried to make this baby in the old

fashioned way, but it didn't mean they loved each other

any less.  This had broken down a major barrier that he

realized had still existed between them.  They were

intimate now, however it had happened, his seed had

been in her body.  His arms tightened involuntarily and

she squirmed, making herself more comfortable.

Yes, they were intimate now and he would help her

understand that.  He didn't want to scare her, or push

her, but they were together.  She'd see that, when she

woke up.

Fin