Title:  "Tearing Down the Walls"





Authors:  Shanda Weeks and Cassie





Rating: NC-17





E-mail:  ShanaGail26@hotmail.com and Samantha0223@hotmail.com





Category:  MSR, A, DAL, RST





Keywords:  Alternating first person POV, Post-ep





Spoilers:  "Orison"





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





I finish packing the small bag I pulled out of her closet 


and look over at my partner. She sits silently on the 


bed -- she hasn't spoken to me since the police arrived. 


Her small body is tense and she rocks slowly back and 


forth. Her fingers are still clutching her bible, her 


knuckles white with the force of her grip. I kneel in 


front of her and gently pry the bible out of her hands. 


I lay it on the night table and turn back to her, 


placing the jeans and sweatshirt I had picked up into her lap. 





"Get dressed," I say quietly. "I'll be waiting just 


outside." I pick up the bag and start for the bedroom 


door. Her voice stops me. 





"Mulder," she whispers, her voice small and frightened, 


shaking slightly. I turn back to her and wait. "Please 


don't leave." 





The words are so soft I am almost not sure I heard her 


right. But one look at her face tells me I did and I 


lower the bag to the floor and nod my head. She tries 


to smile at me, but fails miserably. She turns away 


and starts to dress, her movements short and clumsy. 


I can see how her hands shake as she tries to button 


her jeans. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and 


hold her close. To protect her and make sure that no 


one and nothing ever hurts her again. But I can't do that. 


She isn't about to let me. 





So far, the best I've come is when I led her back here 


after Pfaster fell to the floor between us. I am brought 


out of my thoughts by her small hand touching my arm. 


I look down to find her dressed, her eyes silently 


beseeching me to take her away from this place. I place 


my hand on the small of her back and usher her out of 


the room past the waiting police. I wave them off and 


we escape unmolested out of the apartment. 





I help her into my car and then slid into the drivers 


seat. I am just pulling away from the curb when she 


speaks again. "Mulder, just drive for a while, okay?" 





"Sure, Scully," I agree quietly. 





She looks so distant, scared and jumpy. It's breaking


my heart. I can't stand to see her this way. I know t


hat she's hurting, that she's confused. I know that 


she needs someone to be strong for her right now, but 


that she will never admit that. I sigh to myself and 


pull out onto the highway, headed north. I don't really 


have a destination in mind, but my instincts say north. 


I glance at Scully. She is drawn up into a ball in the 


seat beside me, hugging her knees to her chest. I blink 


rapidly to dispel the growing moisture behind my eyes. 


Oh, Scully, why won't you just let me in? 





************* 


************* 





I'm not sure how long we've been driving. I have no 


idea what time it is. Time and everything else seemed 


to stop in the instant after my finger tightened on 


the trigger of my gun. I knew, the instant it happened, 


that it was wrong. Mulder was there. I was safe. 





But something.........something made me put my Sig 


under that monsters chin and pull the trigger. It 


scares the hell out of me to even consider what that 


*something* might have been. A shudder runs through 


my body. I know Mulder was telling the truth. I know 


that his report will make it self defense. He will 


do that for me even though we both know there was 


really no reason for me to kill Pfaster. I have to 


deal with the fact that I killed a man. Granted, 


I've killed people before. But somehow, this feels 


a lot different. Maybe it's because I'm not sure 


why I did it. I mean, I know *why*, but not.......


I guess the reason. 





These thoughts circle in my head as we speed farther 


away from DC. Mulder is being a gem. He is so quiet. 


I know he's worried about me. I see the sidelong 


glances he keeps throwing my way. But he's waiting. 


Waiting for me to decide that I'm ready to tell him


what is in my head. I know that I eventually will. 


I tell Mulder everything. Well, almost everything. 


We girls got have *some* secrets. Then it hits me. 


I know I don't want to go back to the city. And I 


know just the place. I'm sure Mulder will take me. 


I look at him and prepare to speak. I'm sure he isn't 


expecting it by the way his head jerks towards me and 


then back to the road. 





"Mulder?" I can hear the tremor that still runs through 


my voice. "Please.....I know a place. Will you take me?"


 He looks confused for a moment, then understanding 


spreads across his face and he smiles at me. 





"Sure, Scully. Just tell me where." I sigh with relief 


and give him the directions to my cousins cabin in 


Delaware. Then I pull out my cell phone and call mom. 


She can okay the stay with my aunt. That way, we have 


an escape no one knows about. After the brief conversation 


I return to staring out the window. My mind is still full 


of unsettling thoughts. And on top of that, I lied to my 


mother. 





I know Mulder heard me, but he hasn't said a word. I want 


to bury my head in his chest and cry for all I'm worth. 


I want him to wrap me in his arms and protect me from 


the world with his strength. But I can't ask that of 


him. And I can never show him how much I need it. 


Instead I lean my head back and shut my eyes, forcing 


the tears away until I am alone. If only I could let 


you in, Mulder. If only I could let go of these 


walls......but I can't. It isn't that simple is it? 


We aren't supposed to fall in love. Wait, did I just 


admit that I'm in love with Mulder? Yes, I believe 


I did. That thought stops all others and refuses to 


leave as we make our way across the darkened country


 side. And of all the thoughts I've had tonight, it 


scares me the most. 





****************** 





I wasn't supposed to fall in love with her.  





This practical, rational woman who was sent, 


seven years ago to spy on me.





I wasn't supposed to meet her in the underground 


parking lot of the Watergate after they split us up.  


I wasn't supposed to lose myself when she was taken, 


trade my "sister" for her, fake my death to save her 


life.  I wasn't supposed to follow her to the literal 


end of the earth and drag her form the bowels of an 


alien craft.





I'm not supposed to be in love with her this very second.





But I am.





Desperately, hopelessly in love with her.





We crossed the state line into Delaware almost 


twenty minutes ago, so I know we're almost there.  


God, she looks exhausted.  She also, thank God, 


looks nothing like the avenging angel who destroyed 


a monster earlier tonight.  My Scully is back.  


Jesus, *my* Scully.  When did I start thinking of 


her as mine?  Okay, bad question, I already know the 


answer.   In the car, God, we're always in the car... 


In the car, the first - and last - time she called me 


by my first name and told me she wouldn't put herself 


on the line for anyone but me.  She lied for me, and 


it wouldn't be the last time.  Now, it's my turn to 


lie for her.





We hadn't even been partners for a year, but I already 


trusted and respected her more than anyone I had 


*ever* worked with.   Including Diana.





"Slow down."  She whispers, startling me out of 


my reverie.  I lift my foot off the accelerator 


and raise my eyebrows expectantly.  She raises 


her hand, which is *still* shaking, and points 


to a thickly tree-lined driveway barely marked 


by two red reflectors.   "Turn there."





I pull into the driveway and park close to the 


garage.  I glance over at her, not quite sure


what she wants me to do.   Do I just leave her 


here?  Do I stay?  God knows I want to stay.  


I watch her slide out of the car and I get out 


too, popping the trunk to grab her bag.   When 


I get there she glances down at the suitcase 


I keep packed in there and then looks back up 


at me.  Without a word I grab both bags and 


carry them up the steps.   She reaches behind 


the left porch light and pulls out a tiny magnetic 


box which contains the key.  She unlocks the door 


and I am surprised by the cozy warmth of the room.





"Is someone else here?" I ask quietly, depositing 


our books in the foyer.





She shakes her head.  "My cousin can be rather 


impulsive, so the caretaker has strict instructions 


to keep the place livable year-round."





"Should we be expecting him?"





"Her, and no.  Mom's going to talk to Stephanie.  


We'll have the place to ourselves for a while."





~~


~~





Poor Mulder.  He's just standing there, looking 


at me.  I breathe deeply, unable to stop the slight 


hitch in my throat from what I know are impending 


tears.  He takes a concerned step forward and I take 


a defensive step back, watching his face fall slightly 


in disappointment and frustration.





"I'm tired... do you mind if I go to bed?" I ask and 


he nods, picks up our bags and carries them upstairs.  


Our rooms connect... as always.  He takes his things 


into the other bedroom and I sit down on my bed to 


remove my socks and shoes.  I don't even realize I'm 


crying until I feel a tear splash onto my hand.  


I remove my clothes and slip into my pajamas, trying 


to ignore the tears that are now coursing down my cheeks.  


Wiping my eyes, I cross to Mulder's room to find him 


rooting through his suitcase.  He turns and looks at me, 


unsure of what to say.





"I - I just wanted to say goodnight."  I say, the 


quavering in my voice all to evident.  "The kitchen 


and pantry are stocked so..."  I trail off and he 


nods again.   "Mulder... thank you.  Thank you for 


staying with me."  I whisper, dropping my eyes in 


uncharacteristic shyness.





He closes the distance between us and slowly reaches 


up to touch my cheek.  When I don't flinch away he 


lays his palm flat and gently rubs my face with his 


thumb.  "Anytime."  He murmurs, his voice rough with 


suppressed sobs.  A single tear escapes one eye and 


tumbles down his cheek.





"Oh, Mulder..."  I breathe, reaching up and brushing 


the tear away.  This is okay, it's okay for me to do 


what I'm about to do because it's me comforting him, 


not the other way around, I rationalize shortly before 


slipping my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.   


I feel his arms around my waist, but I pull away before 


he can tightens his embrace.   Leaning up, I place a 


kiss on his forehead before gently pressing my own 


against it.  And then, before I realize what's happening 


his hands are cradling my face and I'm gripping his 


neck tightly.  And then it dawns on me.





We've been here before.





Oh, God.   I can't do this now.  Last time may have 


been desperation, but I can't do this when it's fueled 


by his pity.  I can't, I can't, I can't... that thought 


becomes my mantra as I pull back before we cross a line


that can never be re-drawn.





"Goodnight, Mulder."   I whisper, before turning and 


walking back into my room.





~~


~~





She's been asleep for a couple hours now.  I know 


this because she left the connecting door open, 


and I've been looking in on her every five minutes.  


However, at this particular moment, I'm kneeling 


next to her bed because I heard her crying in her sleep.





I look down at her, her face is flushed and frozen 


with fear and her hands are gripping the comforter 


tightly.  As gently as I can I stroke my fingers 


through her hair and call her name.  After a few 


seconds her eyes shoot open, she kicks off the covers, 


and gropes the nightstand for her gun, not her Sig of 


course, the police have that.  Actually I don't know 


where she got this gun, but since she's about to shoot 


me, that question will have to wait.





"Scully!  Jesus, it's me!" I say frantically, grabbing 


her wrists firmly.  She stills under my hands and her 


eyes clear in recognition.  Sighing heavily, she flops 


back onto the mattress, rubbing her face obviously frustrated.  


I look down for a moment and see that her movements 


have pulled her top up slightly.  Then, I realize with 


detached horror that I can see the puckered gunshot 


scar on her stomach.  A permanent reminder of another 


time I almost lost her.





Without thinking, I reach out and circle the scar with 


my finger and her body tenses beneath my touch.  But, 


for some reason, I can't pull my hand away.  And even 


more amazing is that she doesn't stop me.  I think 


I'm beginning to understand.





Scully needs me.





She'll never admit it to me, and probably hasn't 


admitted it to herself, but she *needs* me.  I think 


she needs me as much as I need her, and at the moment, 


she seems to need me to touch her.





"I'm sorry if I woke you."   She whispers, her hand 


straying over mine.





"You didn't, you didn't."   I assure her.  "I'll let 


you get back to sleep."  I say, standing to leave.





"Mulder?"  She calls before I can even reach the door.  


I turn to see her sliding over and pulling the covers 


back.  "Stay... please?"  She pleads, her eyes shining 


with tears.





God.  We hadn't slept in the same bed since a dead 


psychic surgeon tried to rip her heart out.  I 


hesitated for only a second before slipping into 


the bed next to her.  She rolls over and gently 


drapes an arm across my stomach, seeking contact 


of some sort.  Closing my eyes and wrapping my arms 


around her shoulders I lie quietly as she falls back 


to sleep.





~~


~~





I come to consciousness slowly. My eyes are still 


closed when it registers that I am not alone. There 


is a warm, strong body wrapped around me. It takes 


only a second for my senses to recognized Mulder. 


I slowly open my eyes and look up at him. He is 


sleeping. I can't believe it. Mulder, who never 


sleeps, is sleeping. Snoring even! I am amazed and 


take the opportunity to study him closely. 





The realization I had last night comes back to me as 


I watch him. It dawns on me that my partner is an 


extraordinary man. I don't think I know anyone else 


that would do the things this man will do for you if 


you'll only let him. Somehow, I know I have to find 


a way to accept what he offers me. But for now, I will 


be happy just to look. To steal glances while he sleeps, 


for anything else at this point would be dangerous. 


I allowed him to see past my walls last night. And he 


did what I knew he would do -- he was there for me. 





There was never any doubt that he would be. I had always 


known that. But last night was the first time I had been 


willing to risk it. Now I don't know. Maybe I should 


back away from this. I know that Mulder loves me, but 


I do not believe that Mulder is *in love* with me. 


I know...have always known...that I am not Mulder's 


type. I could never be tall and leggy and beautiful. 


I know this. So, as I watch my partner, lost in his 


dream, I decide to move back again. Pull the walls back 


around me. That way I don't get hurt. And I don't 


embarrass Mulder.....or myself. 





With a sigh of regret I untangle myself from his warm 


embrace and make my way to the shower. As I move my 


body reminds me of the reason I awoke in Mulder's embrace. 


I ache everywhere. But especially my back. I can feel 


that my night shirt is stuck to a small place on my 


lower back. I can only assume that I cut myself when 


I smashed into the mirror. I shudder and try to force 


the memory of the fight out of my mind. Now is not the 


time. I do not want to do this today. I am not ready for 


this yet. 





I twist the knob and step into the shower, letting 


the hot water run over my body. I'm not sure how long 


I stood there. I was trying very hard to not think 


about anything. But I only came back to myself when 


I felt the temperature of the water change. It was 


getting cold. I reluctantly turn the water off and 


step out. I don't really feel any better. What is 


wrong with me? Okay, stupid question. I know exactly 


what's wrong with me. I was attacked by a lunatic that 


wanted to cut my fingers off, I fought him, I killed him. 


It was traumatic. That's what is wrong with me. 





Perfectly normal. 





Yeah. Okay. Whatever. 





Tears well up in my eyes and unable to hod them back 


any longer I drop my head into my hands and allow 


them to fall. Deep, gut wrenching sobs begin to break 


free and there is nothing I can do to stop them. 


I sink to the floor and curl up into a ball. The tears 


seem to be endless, and I am starting to have trouble 


catching my breath. 





Then I feel a gentle hand on my back, and a pair of 


strong arms wrap around me. Then I am cradled in 


Mulder's lap, my head buried in his chest, as he 


rocks soothingly back and forth.  Even though I know


I should pull away from him, get up and wipe my eyes


 dry, I can't do it. I no longer have the strength 


to fight this need I have inside. This need for Mulder. 


For Mulder's strength and support, for his understanding.....


and his love. 





Another deep, strangled sob escapes me as I realize 


I can never have all the things from this man that 


I would like. I can never be to him what he already 


is to me. So I burrow deeper into his arms and wrap 


my own around his neck, holding on for dear life. 


I am not sure if I am going to survive this onslaught. 


And now, now I've allowed Mulder to see how vulnerable


 I am, how weak. How much I truly need him. 





My tears have subsided. And now all I feel is horrified. 


Completely and utterly horrified that I allowed Mulder 


to see this break down. That I allowed myself to fall 


apart in his arms. Not just once, but twice. Last night 


and again this morning. I struggle to get up and push 


myself away from him. I catch the hurt look on his face 


as I turn away. 





"I um...I think I need to lay down for a while," I 


mumble softly as I retreat from the room. I do not 


hear any response from Mulder as I close my bedroom 


door and collapse on the bed again. The sheets still 


smell of Mulder and for some reason this starts my 


tears again. 





********** 


********** 





I stand there for a minute, completely dumbstruck. 


I have no idea what just happened here. One minute, 


Scully was holding onto me as if her life depended 


on it and the next she acted as though I had some 


kind of disease. I shake my head and breath deeply, 


trying to fight the tears that want to fall. I can't 


let her see me upset. It wouldn't do her any good if 


I'm upset. Besides, this has nothing to do with me. 





Scully needs a friend right now, not someone trying 


to pick her up. But I wasn't. Really. All I was trying 


to do was comfort her. I thought, after last night, 


that she would let me. But I can see that I was wrong. 


Obviously. Last night I was just the closest thing to 


be found. Why would I ever dare to hope that Scully 


would want me to be the one she goes to for support? 


All I've ever brought her is pain and suffering. All 


I've ever done is cause her to hurt. Why would she 


want me? My breath escapes me in a shuddery sigh and 


it is then that I realize that the tears I was trying 


to fight are already streaming down my face. I make my 


way slowly into the kitchen. I suppose I should make 


us something to eat, although at the moment I don't 


think I could eat anything. 





But maybe Scully can. I really am not paying attention 


to what I am doing. My mind is drifting. To all the 


different times I thought that maybe, just maybe, Scully 


would let me into her heart. And every time, she manages 


to put that damn wall back up. I could have sworn that at 


least part of it fell for good last night. But I guess I 


was wrong. God, how could I have been so wrong? I thought 


I knew this woman. I thought I could read her like no one 


else. But maybe that's all been in my mind too. The only 


thing I know for sure at this moment is that I am so much 


in love with her that it is a physical ache in my soul. 





And all I want is to take care of her, to show her how much 


she means to me. But I can tell.....should have already 


known....that she isn't going to let me in. I understand. 


I know that Scully could never love me the way that I love 


her. I know that I will never be for her what she has come 


to be for me. So, I will try to content myself with being 


her friend, offering her my support and care when she will 


let me. That is all I know to do. But it doesn't feel like 


enough. How can I sit by and watch her torment her soul over 


this and not help? And yet, that is apparently what she wants. 


It rips my heart out everytime I see the pain and fear in her 


eyes that was there earlier. When I lifted her into my arms 


I thought I was going to die from the pain. I couldn't stand 


to see her that way. It hurts me too. I don't think she 


realizes that. It hurts me too. 





God, Scully, can't you see that? Can't you see that 


this is tearing me apart? I sigh and take the waffles 


I made up to her room. She doesn't answer the door, 


so I move quietly inside and place the tray on the 


bedside table. She is still and for a moment I think 


she is asleep. Then I hear the soft hitching of her 


breath and I know instantly that she is crying. And 


she is trying to hide it from me. I'm not sure what 


to do. I want to go to her and hold her. Tell her it 


will all be okay. But I'm not sure if she wants me to. 


I stand undecided by the bed for a long moment. Then 


decide that I have to at least try. 





"Scully," I whisper softly. She stops breathing for a 


second, and then moves slightly. I still can't see her 


face, but I can hear her voice. 





"Please, Mulder," she whispered. "Please just.....I need 


to be alone." That noise you hear is the sound of my 


heart breaking. I hope that Scully didn't hear it. 


I move quickly out of the room and pull the door shut 


behind me. I barely make it into the hall before my own 


tears start falling. I am blinded by the water in my 


eyes and I stumble only about three steps before I slide 


to the floor and bury my head in my hands. All I want is 


to love her. Why won't she let me help? 





~~


~~





I don't know how to do this, I honestly don't. Every 


relationship I've ever had has been childish or illicit. 


I mean, there was Marcus, but that was high school. And 


then Daniel, my professor and and a married man. Then 


Jack... The last serious relationship I had was with 


Ethan, and that ended when I met Mulder.





Is it possible to abstain from sex for so long that 


you just become a virgin again?  I mean, Christ, seven 


years.  And it's not like I haven't had the chance, 


I have.  I could have slept with Ed Jerse, but I didn't.   


God knows I wanted to.  More than anything I wanted to 


hurt Mulder, make him hurt as much as I did.  I lied 


when I told him it wasn't about him.  *All* of it was 


about him.





I think Mulder's the same way.  It's been a while for 


him too.  I don't have any proof, but I know something 


happened while I was gone.   Call it women's intuition.  


But, that was five years ago.  A very small part of me 


is holding onto the fervent hope that maybe he's been 


waiting for me - like I've been waiting for him.  


Yeah, wishful thinking, Dana.





There have been so many times when I've needed him 


to take me into his arms and make love to me.  It 


started after Modell, then after that horrible case 


in Home, Pennsylvania.. after Roche, when I found out 


I was sick, when I found him lurking in my bedroom 


needing me to validate his "suicide."  That night in 


the Florida woods.  After Emily, after they burned us 


down, after Antarctica, after Padgett, after our baseball 


game, after New Year's... now...





God, so many times, Mulder... so many times.





The problem is, I'm damaged goods.  I'm emotionally closed 


off, I'm the Ice Queen for Christ's sake, and I can't give 


him the one thing I want to give him most.  He's never 


actually said it, but something about Mulder tells me that 


he wants a son.  A son I could never give him.





There are times in my life when I wish, I *wish*, 


I could go back, start over from that day, March 6, 


1992, knowing what I know now.  I would have thrown 


myself at him that next night, in Bellefleur.  Anything 


to keep him from the impending pain.





I have no regrets about my life, don't think that I do, 


everything I've ever said or done has led me to Mulder, 


and I wouldn't trade him, us, for anything.  It just 


hurts me that he's been hurt so many times because of me.





I hear a noise and look up to see Mulder coming back 


into the room.  There is an apology on his face, but a 


hunger in his eyes.





~~


~~





I can tell by the way she's looking at me that she 


can see how much I want her right now.  I move silently 


over and take everything off the bed, never breaking 


my contact with her eyes.





"Scully..."  I say softly, but she doesn't give me a 


chance to say more.  Instead, she wraps her arms around 


me and pulls me down, locking her lips onto mine in a 


searing kiss.  I give into her completely, pressing 


our bodies together and sliding my tongue into her mouth.  


She tastes like nothing I've ever tasted before.  I can't get


enough, there's no way I will ever get enough.





I pull back and look into her eyes, her hunger, her 


desire, matches my own.  Slowly, I divest her of her 


clothing, as she works on mine.   I am down to my boxers 


before I can no longer resist her.  I push her back 


down and thread my fingers into her hair, kissing her 


face, her lips, and her neck.





She's whispering something, so I look up at her.





"Just for today..."  She's murmuring, "Just for today, 


tomorrow I'll let you go..."





Dumbstruck I stand up and look down at her confused face.





"What?"  She asks.





"Just for today?"  I ask,   "What the fuck does that 


mean!?"





Her face hardens and she stands, wrapping the sheet 


around her naked body and backing away from me.  


"Nothing, it's just... I know you don't - "





I cut her off, knowing what she's going to say, and 


knowing that my heart can't take it.  "Goddamnit, 


Scully!"  I yell, almost satisfied when she startles.  


"Don't you know by now that I love you!?"





************* 





As soon as the words leave my mouth I freeze. 


I can't believe I just said that. My eyes drop 


to the floor between us and I shift nervously.   


Jesus, I never wanted to tell her like that. 


Granted my other approach hadn't worked the first 


time, but still. I am terrified of looking up, afraid


 of what her eyes will hold. I hear a soft rustling 


noise and then her voice, soft and hesitant. 





One word. 





"Mulder?" I  can't resist her. My eyes move without 


my permission and slowly raise to meet her questioning 


gaze. I can feel a small spark of hope flare to life at 


what I see in her clear blue eyes. I find that my voice 


is gone and I can only stare into those swirling blue 


pools of emotion. "Mulder, I....." she stumbles over 


the words, clearly frustrated. "Don't say that, Mulder!" 


she finally manages to choke out. I can hear the barely 


contained tears in her words. My heart contracts painfully. 





God, she doesn't believe me! It occurs to me then that 


I have no choice but to see this through. Everything 


I have with Scully depends on the next words that I say. 


I have to finish this. She has to know the truth, my 


truth. I have to make her understand. 





"I love you, Scully," I say again, softer this time. 


She shakes her head back and forth as if trying to 


will my words away. I can't let go of this now. I 


draw a deep breath and plunge on. "I love you. You 


are the best thing that ever came into my screwed 


up world. You've been my reason and my sanity.......


you touch my soul without even trying. You are the 


reason I get out of bed everyday, the reason I still 


fight this hopeless, endless fight. And, Scully,


somewhere in the middle of all that you took my heart." 





I fall silent. The words are out, I have spread my 


soul out between us and now I wait for her reaction. 


I can barely breath. Her face has been steady the 


whole time. I watch it go from impassive, rational 


Scully to shock as my words sink in. And then, the 


most amazing thing happens. I swear I see a crack 


forming in that solid brick wall Scully keeps 


around her heart and soul. She take one small 


hesitant step forward and pauses. A few slow tears 


begin to trace down her face and I can see her inner 


struggle. 





Only two steps separate us. I look deeply into her 


eyes and allow her to see everything in mine. I move 


slowly, one step forward and then stop. Her head is 


tilted slightly so that she can see my eyes. I wait. 


The next step is hers. I have given all that I can 


give. She has to let that wall crumble to be able 


to truly have that kind of relationship. She blinks 


slowly and as her eyes open I feel my heart leap. 


In those bottomless pits of blue I watch her impenetrable 


walls fall to the floor between us. In the mass of 


emotion love and desire surface. 





I can't breathe, afraid that any motion by me might 


break the spell. She draws a slow deep breath and 


takes that last step to close the space between us. 


Her arms snake around my neck and her lips move to 


softly cover mine. It is a slow, chaste kiss, filled 


with emotion.........and electricity. Our lips part 


and I find my own arms snaking around her waist. 


A small part of me is still afraid that she will run. 


Our lips are almost touching as I feel her breathy 


whisper. 





"I have loved you for so long. I never thought-" she 


chokes on a sob and I pull her tight against me, one


hand reaching up to cradle the back of her head, 


tucking her head under my chin. 





"Shh, baby," I mumble softly into her hair. "S'kay, 


I'm here. I'll always be here, Scully. As long as you'll 


let me. I'll never leave you." She raises her eyes up 


to mine and I am momentarily speechless from the raging 


desire I see in them. 





********** 


********** 





Oh my god.  He has no idea what he does to me. His 


words, gently whispered and meant only to soothe 


have inflamed me. I raise my head and meet his eyes 


with mine. Our gazes lock and  I am stunned at the 


powerful emotion swirling in his eyes. Those normally 


soft, hazel eyes are turned a deep jade color with 


small threads of gold laced into them. Passion, desire, 


and lust battle for dominance in his eyes. He slowly 


moves his hand from the back of my head down to cup 


my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek, wiping 


away tears that I didn't realize I was crying.   


I know that he is waiting, allowing me to decide 


that this will happen. He doesn't have to. 





I have already decided. 





But his gesture - noble, caring, and totally Mulder - 


adds to the burning desire that pulses through my 


veins. One of my hands falls to gently cup his face, 


a mirror of his own action. My other hand traces down 


his neck and slowly down his chest, coming to rest 


over his heart. I know what I want to tell him, but 


the words won't come out of my mouth. Our eyes are


still fastened on each other and so I try to tell 


him without words. And I am again taken aback when 


his eyes fill with tears. 





Mulder moves a fraction closer to me, his tongue 


unconsciously darting out to moisten his lips. 


I know what he wants. I want it to. I answer 


his movement with my own, tilting my head slightly. 


And then I'm not sure who moved, but our lips 


were pressing softly together in the most gentle 


kiss I have ever participated in. My pulse rate 


surged with that merest of touches, my eyes still 


focused on his. Our lips parted slightly, but we 


didn't move apart. And then it happens. My eyes 


slowly start to droop shut and our lips are again 


pressed hungrily together.   The sensations sweeping 


over me are unreal. 





This is Mulder....*my* Mulder....kissing me this way. 


Devouring my mouth with his, stealing my breath as 


his tongue pushes its way into my mouth and sweeps 


across my teeth. I eagerly reach my own tongue out 


to meet and duel with his, the kiss deepening and 


becoming hotter with each second that passes. 


Finally, when I think I'm about to pass out from 


lack of oxygen....or maybe from too much Mulder.....


I pull away from him and rest my forehead against 


his. My eyes are still closed and I allow myself 


to feel everything about this situation. Our hands 


have not strayed from the position they were in 


when this started. We are both breathing heavily 


and I can feel Mulder's body trembling against mine. 





My eyelids slowly flutter open and I am meet with 


Mulder's intense gaze. My knees feel like they are 


about to dissolve beneath me. No further words are 


necessary. Our eyes communicate all that is needed. 


I carefully move my arms and the sheet I held against 


me drifts gently to the floor between us. Mulder's 


eyes trace down my body and then slowly back up. 


I can see his instant reaction to what I have done. 


But when his eyes meet mine again they are filled 


with tenderness and I can almost hear the message, 


slowly. A shiver runs through my body and Mulder casts 


me a wicked grin. 





Holy Mary Mother of God! 





I am most definitely in trouble now! And those are 


the last coherent thoughts I have as Mulder sweeps 


me into his arms and lowers me gently to the bed. 





*********** 


*********** 





I can't believe this is actually happening. Jesus, 


this can't possibly be real....can it? I have absolutely 


no doubt that Scully loves me, that she wants me. 


Christ! How could I have any doubts anyway?! How did 


I not notice that this woman I loved so much loved me 


back? I have been a fool. But no more. Now I have her


and I want to show her just how much she means to me, 


how much I love her. 





I know what she wanted. I could see the devilish smile 


dancing in her eyes when she stepped back and dropped 


the sheet. But I want to do this right, I want to make 


her feel more than anyone ever has. So I moved her 


carefully to the bed and now I stand above her, watching 


in amazement as she crooks her finger and seductively 


motions me to her. I can't resist. I move onto the bed 


and slowly crawl toward her. 





She reaches for me, but I intercept her hands and 


lace our fingers together. This accomplished I move 


her arms so that they are laying above her head on 


the pillow, pinned with mine. She tugs gently and 


then raises her eyebrow at me. Her answer is a quick 


kiss on the tip of her nose and a soft smile. Then I 


go exploring. My lips move softly over her face, 


kissing her eyelids, her cheeks, her forehead. Then 


sliding down her neck and over to her ear. She moans 


softly and I take her ear gently between my lips and 


suck softly. I spend a few minutes investigating the 


inner reaches of her ear with my tongue and then I 


slowly move around her neck, along her collarbone 


and up the other side to claim the other ear. 





Scully is writhing beneath me and her breathing is 


coming in short gasps. She is making me so hot, just 


watching her. I feel like I'm about to explode. I shove 


those thoughts aside and try to concentrate on her. 


I move my hand together and capture both of hers in one 


of mine. My free hand immediately begins to roam. It 


trails lazy patterns down her face and neck, lower to 


the top of her breast. I run one finger teasingly along 


the edge of her breast and she shuddered softly. I moved 


my palm down over her nipples and they instantly hardened. 


My mouth found hers again and my hand cupped her breast, 


squeezing softly. Scully moaned into my mouth and arched 


her back, pushing herself farther into me. 





Oh my god! I never, in my wildest dreams, thought that 


Scully would be so responsive to me. My mouth leaves 


hers and starts to trail down her neck, following the 


path my hand took a moment ago. When I finally reach her 


nipple and draw it into my mouth she purrs. I kid you not, 


Scully purred like a kitten. It went straight to my groin 


and if it is possible I was instantly harder. I had never


heard anything like that before. I sucked gently on her and 


she did it again. 





My hand moved slowly down, brushing gently across her 


auburn curls as my mouth continued its work on her 


breasts. She groaned and rocked her hips up at me. 


I smiled against her skin. All in good time, my love. 


I pull her hands down her body so that I can move 


lower. My mouth follows where my hand just went, 


licking, nipping, and sucking gently.  I fee Scully 


shiver as I blow a soft breath across her center. 


I can smell her arousal and I can barely stand not 


to taste it. I look up at her as my mouth hovers 


over her. She is gazing at me, her eyes glassy and


 full of fire. She knows what I want. 





"Oh, Mulder......please, god....please....." she 


pants. Her voice drops off to a series of whimpers, 


sighs, and moans that cause my blood to boil in my


 veins. My mouth closes over her and my tongue 


reaches out to gently swipe her glistening folds. 


I hear her breath catch and her hips buck into 


my mouth. I hum my approval and begin to tongue 


her in earnest. I take it that she like that because 


she spreads her legs farther apart and pushes her hips 


up at me, meeting my movements with her own. 





I gently slide one finger into her as my tongue 


rolls around her clit, pushing it around and then 


sucking it gently into my mouth. I graze the small 


bundle of nerves with my teeth, delighting in the 


raw, breathy moan that issues from her mouth. Her 


movements are becoming frantic and I know that she 


is close. For some reason this knowledge makes my 


already painfully hard cock even harder. 





I am about to make Scully come. I do not believe 


this is happening. Her hands, which I still hold 


firmly with mine, clench tightly against me and 


her whole body tenses. I feel the muscles inside 


her start to contract around my finger and I slid 


another finger into her at that precise moment. 


She lets a low whimpering noise out that might have 


been my name, but I'm not sure. And then her whole 


body is shaking and she is coming around my fingers. 


I slow my movements carefully and then withdraw my 


fingers from her. Her eyes are still screwed shut and 


she is breathing hard. 





I slowly crawl back up her body, gently caressing 


her skin with my fingers. I prop up on my elbow and 


watch her as she struggles to regain control of her 


body. That was the most amazing thing I have ever 


seen, I think. She slowly opens her eyes and looks 


up at me. Then a small grin forms on her face and 


she pulls my head down to hers, claiming my lips 


in a deep kiss. I am already burning and her kiss 


makes it worse. She reaches down and before I know 


it she has pulled my boxers off and her small hand 


is wrapped firmly around me. I groan and my hips 


involuntarily buck into her hand. 





Scully smiles and pulls me toward her. I move willingly, 


positioning myself between her legs. And then she 


surprises me again. She places her hands on my shoulders 


and flips up over so that I am on my back. She doesn't 


hesitate at all as she straddles my and leans down to 


kiss me again. Her hand again wraps around my cock and 


she positions herself over me, gently rubbing the head 


against her wet center. 





I am mesmerized by this and can't seem to take my eyes 


away from the sight, as much as I would like to look 


at her at this moment. Then she presses down slightly 


and I feel the head slip just inside her. I exhale a 


slow breath as she lowers all the way down, taking me 


completely into her. The feeling is amazing, and watching 


our bodies join for the first time was completely 


indescribable. When her weight rests completely on me


she stops. My eyes slowly track up to find hers and 


when they meet I feel an expansion somewhere near my 


heart. 





"Scully....." I breath softly. It's all that I can say 


at the moment. It's all I needed to say. Her eyes fill 


with tears and she slowly nods her head. 





*********** 


*********** 





My body is humming with desire. I can't believe the 


way this feels. And I'm still sitting still. Of course, 


Mulder is buried completely inside of me and maybe 


that has something to do with the amazing feelings 


running through my body. I take  in his look of awe 


and it shakes my soul. I can't help the tears that 


form in my eyes. He sees them and reaches up to gently


 wipe them away. I lean forward and place a soft kiss 


on his lips and then look at him. 





"I love you, Mulder," I whisper. His eyes sparkle with 


emotion and I kiss him again as I begin to rock slowly 


back and forth on him. I know the pace is infuriatingly 


slow, but I want to draw this out for as long as I can. 


He seems to understand this and begins to slowly meet 


my thrusts with his own. His hands come to rest on my 


thighs, urging me on. It isn't long before I begin to 


move faster. The feeling of Mulder sliding in and out 


of me is driving me mad, slowly and deliciously mad. 


I have to feel his release. I want to watch him as 


I know he watched me. I have come so hard already that 


I'm not sure I will again, but I want to see Mulder. 


I increase our speed a little more and Mulder moans, 


his head rolling back and his eyes slipping shut. 





"God, Scully....." he gasps. I know just what he 


means. I lean over him, changing the angle of my 


hips, which causes me to sigh with pleasure. My 


lips find his and we kiss. They are kind of sloppy


 kisses as our bodies are otherwise occupied. Then 


I feel his hand slip up to my clit, just above where 


we are joined. He starts to gently rub in time with 


my thrusts and I know immediately that I am going to 


come again. I slam into him again, a little harder 


this time and I feel his body tense. I know he is trying 


to hold on and I want him to let go. I feel the first 


waves of my own orgasm washing over me and I let go to 


it, tossing my head back and rocking furiously against 


him. 





And then Mulder's hips are bucking convulsively into 


me and his whole body is shaking and I dimly hear 


his voice, rough and loud, calling my name over 


and over again. I ride out his orgasm and then 


collapse onto his chest, completely spent. I can


 feel his heart beneath me, pounding furiously against


 my chest. His arms are wrapped possessively around 


me and he holds on as if for his life. I understand. 


My own arms are wrapped so tightly around him I can't 


feel them anymore. After a few minutes my breathing 


returns to normal and I move to lay beside him. His 


arms tighten and he holds me still. 





"No," he whispers urgently. "Don't go." I lift my head


 and catch his eyes. He looks so vulnerable right now. 


I place a gently kiss on his forehead. 





"I am not going anywhere, Mulder," I say firmly. 


"I love you. With everything I am and as long as 


I have anything to say about it I will always be 


right here." 





I pause and gently tap his chest over his heart 


for emphasis. A single tear slips down his face 


and he kisses me tenderly. 





"I love you, Scully."


 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


THE END OF THE WHOLE STORY





All Done.  Bye-bye.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~