TITLE: OUR BREATH AUTHOR: DONNILEE E-MAIL: Donnilee@snet.net WEBSITE: http://donnilee.tripod.com RATING: NC-17 CATEGORY: MSR CLASSIFICATION: POST-EP/ONE BREATH SPOILERS: PILOT, DUANE BARRY, ASCENSION, ONE BREATH SUMMARY: Epiphanies are had after Scully regains consciousness and returns home after her abduction DISCLAIMER: All characters used from the show, The X-Files are the property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. No copyright infringement intended. No money made here. THANKS: To my beta reader, FatCat, who once again jumped up to the plate at the last minute to help me out. Thanks, darling. XXXXXXXXXX FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT ALEXANDRIA, VA "I had the strength of your beliefs," she'd told him. I contemplated Scully's comment after returning home. I'd left so that she could have some privacy with her mother and sister, but I missed her already. I surveyed the wreckage of my apartment and wondered, not for the first time, whether I should find a new place to live. I chuckled silently. No matter where I went, they would find me. They could also find Scully if they wanted to. That thought made my chest tighten with anxiety. Her abduction had brought home a few things with rather startling clarity. First, of course, was that in a very short time, my partner had wormed her way into my heart. I was in love with her. Life had been utterly pointless without her these last few months. Even the X-Files, which had been my life's work for years now, seemed trivial if she wasn't there to share them with me. She'd become that important to me, an essential part of my being. I literally didn't want to go on without her. The idea scared the shit out of me. I'd made a second career out being independent and needing no one, trusting no one. For a long time, no one had been able to scale the wall I'd built around my psyche and my heart. That is, until she came along. I got myself an iced tea and navigated the mess on the floor. I flopped down onto the couch and contemplated Scully. I think it started on our very first case. Her skepticism had been at its highest. Even then she hadn't balked though. She'd charged forward with the investigation, applying her science and her training to what she saw. Most of all, seeing her frightened by the bumps on her back had surprised me. That first case, she'd already had glimmer of doubt, a doubt that this was all explainable in the very plausible state of Oregon. She wouldn't have come to me otherwise. Her naivete in dropping her robe in front of me was another big surprise. She stood there in nothing but a bra and panties and trusted me not to molest her. Jesus, if she only knew the thoughts that had tumbled through my head at that moment. Her surprise hug afterwards stuck with me for a long time. The feel of her body pressed against mine, trembling with relief had been the start of more than a few fantasies where I'd touched myself and ended up screaming her name in climax. Now, it was over a year later and she was still with me, through shutting down the X-Files, through OPR hearings, through the devastation of her career. She was still here, still my friend. She never ceased to amaze me. 'I had the strength of your beliefs,' she'd said. The statement echoed in my head. I looked at the mess I had to clean up and knew that she was worth it. She'd needed me. She was more important than capturing any perpetrator. That was a stunning realization in and of itself. Jesus, I was tired. I gulped the rest of my iced tea, stood, and stripped to my boxers. I lay back on the couch, figuring I would tackle the mess tomorrow. I grabbed an afghan off the back of my couch and pulled it up to my neck, locking my hands behind my head. I sighed, closing my eyes. "I had the strength of your beliefs," I said out loud. "I believed in you, Scully," I murmured, feeling sleep tug on me. "I knew you'd come back to me." XXXXXXXXXX It was early but I stood, hesitating, outside his door. Should I intrude this early? My mother had told me that Mulder had never stopped looking for me. She'd informed me that he told her she was making a mistake when she ordered my tombstone, but had still gone with her to give her his support. He'd known I was still alive; he'd never given up. Despite my living will, he'd walked away when they decided to unplug me. "He couldn't watch you leave," Mom had said, tears clogging her throat. I'd left the hospital early. All my tests weren't back but most of them were and they were fine. I'd signed myself out against medical advice. They'd wanted me to stay another day for observation. I couldn't do it. Vague nightmares of lying in a white hospital-like bed were haunting me when I closed my eyes. I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't lie in that bed a moment longer. Melissa had brought me some sweatpants, a tee shirt, and zippered sweat jacket, along with a comfortable pair of track shoes from home. They'd driven me home and I'd endured their fussing, insisting I was all right and just wanted to rest, maybe nap in my own bed. Finally, they'd left me alone. I'd waited until their car turned the corner. I stood by my window, watching to make sure they didn't come back, as I called a cab. I had to see him. I'd seen him and Melissa while I was in the coma, and that strange Nurse Owens that told me it wasn't my time to go. Something was nagging at me. How had he been so sure I would come back? I thought it had all been a dream, but what if it wasn't? I needed to talk to him about it. I took a deep breath and knocked sharply three times. I heard a couple of muffled grunts and a curse, then slow footsteps to the door. It whipped open suddenly and Mulder stood there in his boxer briefs. I nearly choked, swallowing the gasp that wanted to fly out of my mouth. His hair was tousled, his hazel eyes heavy with sleep. My eyes cruised over his defined pectorals, his six-pack abdomen and his well- toned biceps. I forced myself to return to his face. He was flashing me a quirky smile, one side of his lips raised. "Hey, traveler," he greeted me in a smoky, low voice that made my insides shiver. "Sorry to come so early. I didn't mean to wake you." He stepped back, saying, "Housekeeper isn't due till later today." I stepped over the threshold and gasped, observing the destruction that had visited every corner of the place. "Jesus, what happened here?" He closed the door behind me and made his way carefully to the couch. He picked up his jeans and slid his lean legs into them, hopping once in the air to pull them up, fastening the zipper and rivet at the top. They hugged his ass like the skin on a grape. He turned and waved to the couch, throwing his afghan over the back of it. I sat down gingerly and looked around. The contents of his desk were scattered on the floor, furniture was broken. The glass from the coffee table was shattered and looked as though he'd kicked it off to one side. Belatedly, he answered, "Somebody was looking for something." "No shit, huh?" I said sarcastically. He snorted. "I wasn't here to greet them. I was going to be, but I changed my mind." "What do you mean?" "X told me that they were going to search the place. I should come back here and wait for them, kill them in self-defense. He'd set them up to believe I had something they wanted. He wanted me to kill them for hurting you." I was silent for several moments, my eyes running over the floor. I didn't see any blood, just a mess. "What happened?" "I was here, but Melissa came and told me you needed me," he said quietly. I know I looked confused but I couldn't help it. "I don't get it." "I don't either. I don't know how she knew, but she said you were going downhill, and you needed me, 'now more than ever', I think was the phrase she used." "How could she know what I needed?" He turned to me then. "I don't know. Some of her hocus pocus, I guess," he said softly, flashing me a smile of amusement. Then he looked away again. "What did you do?" He sought out my face again and our eyes locked. "I went to you, held your hand, told you I was there, if it made a difference to you." "Oh, Mulder." "I couldn't say everything out loud. I wanted to, but I couldn't. So, I just said it in my head, hoping you might hear me. I guess that's like praying, huh?" I reached out and took hold of his hand. His fingers laced between mine with a slow glide. His palms were dry and warm. "What did you say?" He gave me a rueful look. "What makes you think I can say it now?" he said. I scooted closer until our thighs were pressed together and his hand was sandwiched in my lap between both of mine. I made sure I had his attention. "Because I'm asking you," I said simply. "I felt things when I was there, somewhere else. I need to know if it was all a product of my imagination, my fevered brain, or if there's any truth to what I felt." He watched me silently for so long, I didn't think he was going to answer. Then he licked his lips and swallowed noisily. "I begged you not to leave me," he rasped out. I could feel tears pool in my eyes and I blinked rapidly. "Why?" He bit his bottom lip so hard it turned white. "I can't do this without you anymore, Scully." "Of course you can. You ran the X-Files before me. Don't ever say that. They'll always be your number one priority." "No," he said harshly. Then his voice softened but remained rough with some unnamed emotion. "I realized a lot of things while you were gone, Scully. The main one was that everything seemed meaningless without you." "I don't know what to say," I breathed out. He shrugged. "Don't say anything. When I said I couldn't do 'this' without you, I didn't mean the X- Files, although I can't do that without you either." "What did you mean?" I asked, feeling my heart begin to bang loudly against my ribcage. He turned on his hip and leaned close. "Life, Scully. This 'thing', this 'living thing'. I can't do it without you. I need you too much." He cleared his throat, while I stared in shock. "What are you saying?" I finally croaked out. "I'm saying that I'm in love with you. Even that word, though, doesn't really describe it, what you mean to me." "God, Mulder." The fingertips of his free hand ran over my brows, down my cheek and over my lips, as if memorizing my features. "I don't know how it happened, but you became a part of me, Scully. When you were gone, I was only half alive. I even resigned. There was no point." "You resigned!" I cried out. He shook his head. "Don't worry. Skinner wouldn't accept my resignation. Told me to take some leave and go grieve before I made any decisions. I just left. I didn't bother telling him that I would be grieving for the rest of my life if you didn't come back. And if you didn't, I probably wasn't going to be around long anyway." "God, Mulder! No! Don't say that!" I gasped, flabbergasted at these confessions that were hitting me like pounding fists. My head swam a little and I swayed. His hand pulled out of mine and both of them cupped my biceps. "You okay?" "I don't know. I just, didn't dare to believe." "Believe what?" I sucked in a deep breath. "What I dreamed, or, at least what I thought was a dream. You were there, holding my hand, begging me not to leave you. You said, you said you loved me and if I came back, you wouldn't, you wouldn't hide it anymore." My voice died with a whisper. I nodded. "It wasn't a dream, Scully." Our eyes locked and I was helpless to resist the pull of his heavy-lidded eyes. He leaned toward me and claimed my lips in a searing kiss. He explored my mouth with slow surety and I melted against him. We finally came up for air and he said, "Let me make love to you, Scully." "Here?" I asked stupidly. He smiled. "No, in my bedroom." "You have a bedroom?" I asked. I was astonished I hadn't known that. He laughed then. "Yeah, I do have some of the trappings of a civilized man, even though I am a Neanderthal most of the time." I laughed with him and stood up. He led me carefully around the debris and into his bedroom, closing the door on the mess behind us. It was messy in here too, but not as bad. There was only one closet and a nightstand, so there hadn't been as much to mess up. I stripped in front of him, letting my clothes fall to the floor. He slipped his jeans and boxers off in one move and stood before me in all his naked glory. I let my eyes shamelessly skim over every inch, catching and holding on his towering erection. I felt my breath hitch and a curl of arousal snaked through my abdomen. "You were blessed, Mulder," I blurted out. His sudden laughter embarrassed me and I felt color turn my cheeks to flame. 'Damn my Irish skin,' I thought. He didn't seem to mind. "So were you, Scully. Come here." XXXXXXXXX He pulled me into an embrace, which I hastily returned. While kissing, he steered me backwards onto the bed until he towered over me on all fours. His fingers played with my wetness, sucking it off his finger and making me moan at the sight. I spread my legs in invitation and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Oh wait," he said. He slid off the bed and picked up his pants, pulling out his wallet and came up with condom which he flashed with a flourish. I laughed at his clowning. I stopped laughing as I watched him take it out and roll it over his sizeable erection. In no time, he was positioned between my legs, taking his weight on his forearms. He leaned down to suckle each of my nipples until I was squirming and whimpering with need. "Please, Mulder," I gasped. He moved up higher and flexed his hips around until he found my burning center. His eyes held mine as he pushed gently inside, stretching me deliciously and making me moan. "Oh, Christ," he cursed with pleasure. As he slid into me, my brain went on pause. I knew nothing but the glorious feeling of his hefty shaft spreading me open like a ripe fruit. Then I felt his teeth under my jaw, nipping lightly. It was a bolt of lightning went through me. My sex cringed with want and my back arched off the bed, totally out of my control. He hummed with satisfaction at my reaction. His hands were on my breasts, squeezing, his fingers making small circles on my nipples, making them bud up with an aching throb as his finger nail scraped lightly. Then his fingers were plucking at my nipples as I gasped and writhed under him as he began to stroke in long, even, deep strokes, burying himself to the balls. I could no longer talk, only gasp and moan at the sensations assaulting my body. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he began to corkscrew his pelvis against mine at the bottom of every stroke, trapping and roughing up my clitoris as it was pinned between his cock and my pubic bone. My climax burst over me like a pummeling wave, my body jerking and convulsing in delight as he kept stroking into me. I know my mouth was open but the blood was rushing so loudly in my ears, I had no idea if I was screaming, crying or calling his name. I know I was chanting it in my head. XXXXXXXXXXX I had no idea if she knew what she was saying or not. I did. She was incoherent with pleasure and my heart soared as my cock jumped and ached with the effort of holding back for just a few more seconds. My eyes were locked on her, watching a red flush fly up her body from her navel to her neck. Her inner muscles fluttered spastically on my engorged shaft and I'd never felt anything quite so exquisite. "Aaaahhhh, God! Love you, Mulder! Oh Lord, so good. Awwww, yes! Love you, loveyouloveyou, loveyou!" I lost control then, pressing up against her womb. I grabbed her buttocks and let go. The spasms lasted longer than they ever had; the sensations almost hurting as my cock lurched with every ejaculation. I howled with pleasure and collapsed into the damp, downy cradle of her thighs. Nothing was said. We merely lay there, catching our breath. I summoned the energy to scatter light, butterfly kisses over her neck, cheeks and eyes. Finally, I kissed her lips, slowly. It was a sensual kiss, full of promise and devotion. Devotion. That's what this was about. My breath mingled with hers and it was sweet. I was more content than I could ever remember being. I smiled at her, rolled onto my back. I hugged her as she snuggled up to my side, putting her head on my shoulder. "Did you mean it?" I asked. "Huh?" "You said you loved me," I said quietly. I felt her lips smile against the skin of my chest. "Always," she whispered. That was all I needed to know. THE END.