Title: Don't Quit


Author: RocketMan >lebontrager@iname.com<


Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No fringe is


intended.


SPOILER::::FTF: The X-Files Movie--this is my version of Scully POV in


the hallway





=-=-=-=


Don't Quit


=-=-=-=





"Salt Lake City. Utah. Transfer effective immediately."





Please, Mulder, please, don't fight me on this. She thought it even as


he was shaking his head, squeezing his eyes tight to block out her


words.





"I already gave Skinner my letter of resignation," she added, voice


firmed by fear and brokenness. This was happening, nothing short of a


disaster, or a miracle, could stop it.





"You can't quit Scully."





He said it just as determined, with all that intensity in him focused


directly on her. She knew it was going to be a battle, knew he was going


to make her feel guilty, as if she wanted to betray him.





"I can Mulder." Her voice was agonizingly soft. "I debated whether or


not to even tell you in person--"





"We're close to something here," he growled, standing to tower over her


even from across the room. "We're on the verge--"





Desperate. "No, Mulder, *you're* on the verge. Please. . .please don't


do this to me."





It was unfair of her to say it, but it was the truth and he was using


all his emotional arsenal as well, trying to make her stay. Please,


Mulder, don't make this hard. I just want to walk away.





He was staring at her, head wobbling as if he would collapse, as if he


could *not* believe she was actually doing this to him.





I'm doing it to you, Mulder. 





"After what you saw last night?--after all you've seen, Scully. . .You


can't just walk away."





She was angry now, angry and weary.





"I have," she said bleakly. "I did. It's done."





Stunned, shaking head and trembling fingers fought at her with one last


visual strategy. She wasn't going to cave, she wasn't. She was *walking


away* dammit. She was walking away.





"Just like that. . ." he murmured.





Over. That's right. It's over, Mulder, let me go. Let me find a place


where I don't have to constantly battle for my job, for your respect and


trust, for my *life.* 





She wanted to say 'it's been fun' but that would be cheap and petty.


"I'm contacting the state board Monday to file my medical reinstatement


papers--"





"But I *need* you on this, Scully!"





"You don't Mulder." <please don't let me cry now> "You've never needed


me. I've only held you back."





She turned for the door, blinded with fury and tears and weariness. She


was just so tired of pretending that her presence in his quest mattered.


So tired of fooling herself almost completely, but never quite. Just


enough to know she was a thorn in his flesh.





"I've got to go," she mumbled and felt an odd sort of panic when she


entered his hallway and he was not running after her.





"If you want to tell yourself that so you can quit with a clear


conscience, you can--but you're wrong."





Aren't I always wrong compared with you, Mulder? I'm not quitting, I'm


getting while the getting's good. I'm recognizing my failures and


cutting my losses. God, Mulder, we can't win! They've made sure of it,


and you just reinforce it.





"Why did they assign me to you?" she asked heatedly, finding somewhere


in her the anger to fight back. This was them, fighting, arguing, never


giving up the point. "To *debunk your work*--to reign you in--to *shut


you down.*"





Before she could even realize the truth of her words he was shaking his


head, gripping her elbows with a fierceness she'd never felt directed at


her before.





"You've *saved* me Scully. As difficult and as frustrating as it's been


sometimes, your strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand


times over."





She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't. Just let me go, Mulder. Give


me the dignity, give *us* the dignity of a final, unemotional, good-bye.





"You've kept me honest. You've made me a whole person," he whispered,


hands caressing her through the bitterness of it all. "I owe you


everything. . .Scully and you owe me nothing."





She closed her eyes to the intensity thrumming between them, closed her


eyes to *his* eyes, which were accusing and grateful and soft and hard


all at the same time.





Please don't do this to me, Mulder. . .





"I don't know if I want to do this alone. I don't know if I can. And if


I quit now, they win. . ."





She was trapped. She was his forever, never able to free herself from


this life. Her free choice? No. Never had it been her choice. Her choice


would be to erase all this, erase all the years with him and start over


fresh. . .not knowing. But she did know, and she couldn't be away from


him.





It was what had driven her to resign--the need to be with him. Even if


she was nothing to him.





She leaned forward, her hands gentle on his chest, his cheeks, trying


not to think too hard about everything she was accepting with this


intense moment between them. Her lips went to his forehead for a long


time, trying to regain the trust that had been shattered so easily. 





She never thought. She had never understood, always thought they just


kept driving, just kept running from conspiracy to conspiracy without a


second thought. But he *had* thought, Oh God, he *had* been thinking all


this time.





When she pulled back, tears were tracking her cheeks and blurring the


image of him. He was softly, gently, almost smiling at her and she


smiled back, hesitant because she had caused so much of this hurt


already.





His eyes finally ran hers down and the look was electric, frightening,


so dark and deep and swirling with unfathomable things. She stayed


absolutely still, inwardly begging *no* and *no*-- not here.





His grip on her shoulders tightened, then released and he was cradling


her face gently with his hands, his eyes so intense and focused that she


could not see herself in them at all.





It was time, his eyes said, it was time and this was the moment.





She stiffened when he leaned forward, but her lips parted of their own


volition and answered back with an echoing cry of *yes* and *yes*-- this


is the moment.





A slight brush, a gentle scrape of chapped lips to hers, a slant of his


tongue nearly to her teeth--





"Ow. . ."





She jerked, away, into him, her shoulder blades drawing together as she


reached for her neck, crushing the pain.





"S..sorry," he muttered, shaking his head with embarrassment. He rubbed


her neck with a hand, encircling her shoulder with the other.





"No. . .I think something. . .stung me. . ." she said, and already she


could see the crushed bee at the tips of her fingers--





"It must've gotten in your shirt," he said, not thinking about bees but


about her lips, still parted in invitation.





He ran his fingers over her neck again, massaging the sore spot, and


then to her cheeks, focusing on her slightly dilated eyes.





She slumped forward, directly into his arms and into his panic.





"Scully?"





Her legs collapsed beneath her and he caught her, holding her tightly


for a moment as she struggled to speak.





"Something's. . .something's wrong," she murmured and he wanted to


scream *no shit* but the panic was like a clamp over his tongue and he


watched her in dumb silence.





"'M having lancinating pain. . .my chest. My. . .my motor functions are


being affected. I'm--"





Panic was like a vice now, crushing crushing. He lowered her to the


floor, trying to remember everything about bees or allergies or viruses,


God no, not a virus, not smallpox--she was vaccinated, right?





".....my pulse feels thready and. . .funny taste in the back of my


throat. . ." she muttered but her eyes weren't focusing on him anymore,


her fingers were curled in tight fists that fought off pain and


darkness.





"I think you're in anaphylactic shock--"





"No, Mulder. . . I've got no allergy. . " She seemed almost to be giving


up, to be shutting down to the pain. "Something is wrong. . .this. .


.Mulder--"





The fear in her voice made his stomach churn and his heart crush. He


squeezed her hand and thundered back to into his apartment, skidding on


the carpet and tripping his fingers over 911. His heart thudded too loud


to hear the operator but he  gave the information anyway, knowing


someone would be listening.





"This is Special Agent Fox Mulder. There's an emergency, I have an agent


down--"





He wasn't sure what he said after that, all he could think and see and


feel was Scully collapsing into his arms. From where he was on the


phone, he imagined he could hear her gasping for breath.





He ran back after hanging up, falling on all fours at her side.





"They'll be here soon, Scully. Just hang on."





Her head lolled to see him, but he wasn't even sure she was focusing too


well. Her neck arched as she struggled for air and her hands scratched


at the dirty hall floor. Mulder grabbed one of her hands and held her


cheek with his other. She made a little sobbing noise that shattered his


soul and he pushed closer to her.





"Breathe, Scully. Hang on, they'll be here in seconds. . ."





Her lips moved to speak but nothing came out and he felt another shot of


panic, didn't know he could *be* more panicked than he was, God, help


her--





"Don't. . ."





He leaned forward, trying to shush her.





"Don't. . .make that face," she said.





The panic face. . .





"I won't. I won't Scully. You don't quit, hear me? Don't quit."





"Never. . ." she said, and tried to smile, but couldn't make her muscles


move, couldn't find something to smile about.





He pressed his lips to her forehead and squeezed his eyes tightly shut


to push out the panic, the absolute fear that wanted to unhinge him.





He heard the elevator snap open and saw the paramedics rushing through


the hall.





Thank God.


=-=-=-=





end


adios


RM