TITLE: Back to You AUTHOR: Chariot DISTRIBUTION: Sure. Just ask first. Thanks! RATING: PG CATEGORIES: S, R KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance, post-episode SPOILERS: all things SUMMARY: Scully reflects on the happenings in "all things" and comes to so me important conclusions. "I think that since we met, we have unconsciously ch osen the paths that always lead us back to each other." Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully still belong to 1013 and FOX. I don't own them and I'm glad because they would be too much responsibility! Author's Notes: I have never written X-Files Fan Fiction before and I realize that starting three years after the series ended is a little bizarre, but after some time off from the show I have recently become re-obsessed. Just felt like getting this one out th ere. The title is a John Mayer song, if you're interested in checking out the lyrics. Back to You by Chariot Mulder's Apartment 12 AM I'm not asleep. He thinks I am, but I'm not. Exhausted, yes. So much so that I know I cannot deal with the place this conversation is going right now. So, I choose the coward's route. I feign sleep so that I can have the extra time to sort everything out that's happened and everything that I have heard myself tell him. Things are always different when you say them out loud. Explaining something in words gives it a power and a realness that has left me content, because I told it to him, but overwhelmed about what it all might mean. Of late, I have allowed myself to realize that I love him, that I have loved him for a while, but there has still been something holding me back from letting him know it. At first I thought it was because I was afraid that even with all of his innuendos and seemingly genuine sentiments, he was really not IN love with me. Over the years I have had to find a rational explanation for every touch, loving glance, forehead kiss, raised eyebrow and even the events of this past New Years. It is a survival mechanism I have used because I knew that reading into those actions was dangerous. However, even the queen of denial knows the truth deep down and I know it isn't just this fear that has held me back. It is something else that I haven't been able to quite grasp. Then Daniel came back into my life. His sudden appearance knocked my world on its side and made me realize why after almost seven years in the FBI I have never fully accepted myself into the life I have chosen to lead. One part of me has been living for my work and for Mulder, while deep down another part of me was still on the path not chosen, a path that led to medicine and Daniel. Somehow I must have known that he was never too far away and that my other road was not yet blocked off. He would think that's a load of crap, but I have experienced too many unbelievable events over the years to discount something that I feel strongly about inside. I now realize why I have been hesitant to come clean with Mulder. I was afraid that he would give his heart and soul to me fully and that I would only let him down because I would be unable to do the same. Now, all of that's changed. I have faced the road not chosen and I know that there is a reason why I am here today. I do not love Daniel, and I don't know if I ever really did, not in the way I know of love now. He was an unforgettable part of my life, an affair that I learned from and don't begrudge, but one that I realize happened to a different person and should stay in the past. The present is what's important and right now lying on Mulder's couch, wrapped in his blanket and listening to him pad around his apartment in bedtime mode, I am once again at a crossroads. I can choose the safe path and continue as I have =D0 living for my work and Mulder and pretending I am happy with the way things are, or I can stop sleeping through my life and take advantage of my newfound personal insights and use them to lead me to him. Unfortunately, at the moment my ability to make any choice is being controlled by the problem of extracting myself from the comforting warmth of this couch. Damn him for being considerate and tucking me in. Two more minutes. Mulder's Apartment 3 AM SHIT! What time is it?! The apartment is dark except for the glow coming off both the fish tank on my right and a flickering that must be the TV in Mulder's bedroom. Everything's quiet in the apartment, so he must be in bed. I can't believe I fell asleep! I was at the crossroads and I passed out. Figures. Guess it serves me right for fooling him earlier. In any case, I know that even at this later hour, I still have the choice to make. The enormity of the past days still weighs heavily on me. My moment is not lost. I can still do what all of my past choices have led me to. I finally pull myself from the couch and every bone in my body seems to pop in protest. If my mind weren't already made up, this reminder that I'm not getting any younger would have certainly helped me out. I take a deep breath and sigh to mysel f as I pull the blanket tighter around me and listen to the rhythmic sound of the wind hitt ing a tree branch against the window. It is hypnotizing, and as I listen I feel that it is falling into time with the beating of my heart and with the heart I can feel waiting for me in the other room. At times like these I like to think that the world moves for us, tal ks to us and if we listen and open our minds to its beat it will lead us in the right directio n. Right now it is telling me to go to him and I know that it is right. I walk towards his bedroom using my heartbeat to set my pace. I am calm as I walk through the living room and round the corner into the hallway.... "SHIT MULDER! You scared the crap out of me!" He was there in the hallway in all his rumpled hair, sleep-trodden glory. "Sorry Scully. I just woke up and was coming in to check on you. Thought you might want to trade places." My heart was racing from the surprise I just got and maybe a little from seeing my partner in only a nice pair of black boxer-briefs. "Scully?" And now I'm staring. "Sorry, I'm still waking up," I manage to stammer out. "No need to do that. Why don't you head on in to the bedroom, grab one of my t-shirts and enjoy the bed for the rest of the night. I'll take the couch." This is it. My crossroads are staring me straight in the face. I just need to have the courage to do what my heart wants. I don't say a word to him, but I close the distance between us and surprise him by wrapping him in a hug and staying there. He holds me tight and rests his chin on my head, but I can tell by his stiff stature that he is worried about me. "Something wrong?" he asks. "For once, no....That's why I had to hug you. Because everything's good... ..no cancer, no scary monster, no family death, no damn bee." I say the last one knowing that it gets across the point I'm trying to make more than anything else. I can feel him chuckle and relax at the same time, but his heart rate jumps, and at that, so does mine. "Can we stay like this forever?" I ask, as I slowly start to make lazy circles on his bare back. "Uh, that would definitely be great. But I'm afraid that if you keep touching me, there might be something that will try to get between us." "Mulder!" I yell and hold him at arms length, putting on my best "I'm shocked!" face. He's smiling but I also see a slight panic in him that he might have said too much standing almost naked in a dim hallway with his partner at an ungodly hour. So I drop the front and give him a full smile back, one that hopefully reflects how happy I am to be here with him right now. And then I do something unexpected. I take Mulder's hands and drop to my knees right in the hallway, tugging on him to follow me. The worried look is back on his face, mixed with the confused one that I adore. The one that says "Scully, everyday you surprise me more and more." He mirrors my position on the floor, sitting back on his heels, our knees touching. We are joined at our hands and at our knees and the charge that is flowing through us is what drives me forward on this path. "Mulder, do you know why everything in our lives has led up to us being here tonight?" I look confidently into his eyes. He's still scared. "I'd like to think I do. Do you?" "I think that since we met, we have unconsciously chosen the paths that always lead us back to each other. If you think of all the separate times we have been pulled apart by injury, near death, the government and our own arguments, it seems to be the only plausible explanation for why were are still here. We know the truth." "Which is what?" His question is barely a whisper and his eyes have turned into giant pools as we both unconsciously lean towards one another. I make the first real move as I once again close the distance between us, this time to press my lips against his. It is a tentative kiss, reminiscent of New Years, but much longer. I pull away and rest my forehead against his, closing my eyes. We are now connected in three separate spots and the energy between us is unreal. It's his turn now. I can't do this alone . We sit in comfortable silence breathing in the last breath of the other, be coming one the way only we can. And then it happens. "I love you." We are so connected that I can't tell at first if that came from his mouth or mine. But I soon realize that it must have been his, as he is now holding his breath in waiting. "I love you, too," I breathe out as the tears start to well up. He breaks our forehead connection to look into my eyes and I see that he is getting emotional too. He takes my chin in his hands and says it again. Slower. "I. love. you." And before I totally lose it I am covering his mouth with mine again, this time not censoring the passion I have for the man before me. I manage to get another "I love you" in as our mouths open to each other. Suddenly our connection at the knees is not enough for me. I want to feel him everywhere and I let this be known by practically bowling him over on to the floor so he is flat on his back. "Hey Scully," he manages to eek out in between kisses, "can we......take this.......to a.....softer.....surface?" I manage to tear myself from his lips. Severing my favorite connection to date. "Last time I checked our libidos may still be at the college level," he jokes, "but our bodies are certainly not." He always could find humor in any situation. "Could have fooled me," I say sexily as rub my hand across his bare, muscular torso and give him my best "fuck me" smile. With that the old man is up off the floor, carrying me into his bedroom and lying me on the bed in a matter of seconds. "Still got it," he compliments himself as he stands above me. "I don't think I'm quite convinced yet, Mulder," I tease back, "you better come here and give me irrefutable evidence." And for once, he did. I always wanted to believe. ~The end~