Please do not post to ATXC - I'll do that myself... and Please Archive... grin... All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No infringement intended on any part... go ahead, take me to court... I'm using the insanity defence... heh, heh, heh... Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@goodmedia.com Summary: Scully has a personal crisis, and Mulder is there... this is what I WANTED to see after "Emily"... gryn... Spoilers: Memento Mori, Christmas Carol, Emily... Rating: NC-17, natch... Story, MSR... Reparations (1/1) NC-17 by Sheryl Martin The flight back home had been no longer than any they had taken before to the West Coast, but for some reason it seemed like years before they landed. Scully had grabbed her bag off the luggage carousel, passing it to Mulder as she snatched his and her mother's. Not a word. Not a glance. Even as they dropped Mrs. Scully at the front door of her house, Scully remained silent. A fast kiss from her mother, and a promise to call later on to see how she was doing. Now they were at Scully's apartment. Stress central. Mulder bit his bottom lip as he turned off the ignition, waiting for his partner to say or do something. "Want some coffee?" She murmured in the usual routine they had established after a long trip. "Sure..." He nodded. "Remember how I take it?" With a smile, she opened the car door. "Know how I'd like to give it to you, Mulder..." Stepping out behind her, he watched her cruise up the steps towards her apartment building; her shoulders slumped in exhaustion. At least that's what he tried to tell himself. Opening the front door with a sigh of relief, Scully dropped her bag on the couch; pulling her coat off and tossing it over the nearest chair. Mulder walked by her into the kitchen, setting up and then activating the coffeemaker as per their usual routine. Her place, his work. Taking off his own coat, he draped it over the chair as well; then turned to look at his partner. She stared at him; glared at him; blazed a fiery trail of anger at him. "Scully..." He swallowed, trying to find the words. "I'm... sorry..." Brushing a loose lock of hair behind one ear, she shook her head; staring now down at the floor. "Mulder... I would have understood. I do understand, in a way..." Getting to her feet, she crossed her arms in front of her and strode towards the bay window. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at... hell, everyone..." "Yah, well..." He forced a gentle smile onto his face. "I'll let you hit me if it makes you feel better..." She turned, her face serious. "Don't tempt me, Mulder. You should have told me. The second you knew, you should have told me." Her voice began to rise above the usual low controlled tone. "God, Mulder - you knew for months and you didn't say a word!" "You... I... You were in shock from being diagnosed with cancer, Scully..." He spread his hands apart, standing in front of her. "How could I dump that onto you at the same time?" "I got better - I went back to work. I knew..." She snapped, pacing around him. "All you had to do was tell me..." "And then what? Wait for you to charge off and get killed? Scully, they killed the Sims; they don't care about you or me or anyone who gets in the way." His voice dropped down a notch. "I couldn't let you do that." "Why?" Stopping in front of him, she stared at him. "Because you think I can't take care of myself? That I don't have enough common sense to do the right thing?" "Scully, I..." He saw the hand coming; didn't flinch. The sound of flesh on flesh shattered the silence; stopped time. He could feel the burning on his left cheek, see the shock in her face as she realised what she had done. Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, Mulder..." Her eyes were wide with shock and disbelief. "Oh, Mulder..." He looked down at her, his dark eyes wide and sad. "No, I probably deserved that one." A sigh. "I keep forgetting how strong you are..." Suddenly she was in his arms, holding him close in a tight hug as she cried softly into his shoulder. Wrapping his arms around her, Mulder could feel the hot skin tingle as it clashed with her own cool skin. "I'm sorry, Mulder..." Scully sniffled. "I just feel... dammit, I feel so damaged..." He frowned. Pulling her back, he watched as she swiped at the few tears running down her face. "What do you mean, 'damaged'?" "Dammit, Mulder - I can't have children. Not naturally, anyway." She took ahold of the lapel of his jacket, dabbing at one eye with it. "Those bastards did this to me. This isn't natural; this isn't some genetic disease I have to worry about passing on... if it were that I might be able to deal with it." She sniffed again. "Who the hell is going to want me now..." His throat went dry, closing up as he tried to breathe. Not noticing his condition, she went on. "I've seen and read plenty of information on infertility - and if this were any of the usual cases then I could try to understand, try to get over it - but they did this to me on purpose..." She looked up at him. "This wasn't supposed to be. This is man-made and I hate them for it." "Yah..." He croaked out, his hands massaging her waist where he still held her. "And now what..." Scully mumbled, looking down at their feet. "Dammit, I feel so unattractive, so useless... what they did to me surpasses rape; surpasses experimentation... used me and tossed me back to see if I'd live or not... I'm nothing now to anyone..." Pulling her close, he tightened his grip; feeling her soft breath against his ear as he hugged her close. "You..." The words forced their way out of a suddenly dry throat. "You are everything to me, Scully... everything..." Pause. "And I don't think you're 'damaged' or anything else that you've said." A short gasp of breath as he tried to find the words. "Hell, Scully... I love you..." Her body tensed against him and he wondered if he had destroyed the last tenuous thread holding them together. "What?" The squeaky whisper reverberated against his shoulder. "I love you. All of you, Scully. And I don't care if you're able to have children or not; I don't care about that." A grin broke loose. "Cut down on the expenses, actually..." A muffled chuckle answered him, buried deep in his jacket. "Never figured you to be a penny-pincher, Mulder..." Running his hands up and down her back, he snickered. "Well, there are some things I'd like to pinch..." Pulling back, she stared at him. He looked at her quietly, seeing one last tear trickle out of her left eye and trace a velvet path down her cheek. Leaning forward, he gently put his lips on the silky skin, capturing the salty water for his own. Lifting his head again, he waited. A soft sound escaped from his partner, something between a sob and a groan. "Mulder..." A sharp intake of breath. "I don't need your sympathy..." The tone was shaky and indecisive. "Scully, you should know by now that I wouldn't do that to you." He chided her with a soft laugh; kissing her cheek again. "Besides, you'd just hit me again." His mouth lingered for a second on her cheek, then moved around to her ear; tongue darting out to wrap around her earlobe and tug lightly. "Or shoot me..." "Ah..." A shiver ran through her body. "I..." Reaching up, he cupped her face in his hands; loathe to separate himself from her for even a second. "This isn't about me being sorry for you. Or you being vulnerable and open to my obvious charms." She chuckled, her eyes looking anywhere but at his face. "Do you want me to go?" He exhaled the question, not without a touch of pleading in his voice. Scully's hands travelled up his waist to his forearms to rest atop his own where they rested on her face. "No. But I have to tell you that I'm not interested in a one-night stand. I can't... we can't do that, Mulder..." Her eyes finally met his, soft and moist. "I can't take that, Mulder - so if you're not serious; there's the door..." The last sentence came out in a gasp, wrenched from her soul. Mulder took a step backwards, into the hall. His hands dropped from her face to her shoulders, bringing her along with him into the darkness. To his right was her bedroom. The left, the front door. He stepped to the right. She thought her heart would burst. Still walking backwards, he carefully manoeuvred to the darkened bedroom, pulling the not-too reluctant Scully with him. Stopping, he leaned down and touched his lips to hers; gently, softly. "Keep on going, FBI woman..." He exhaled into her mouth as she took the initiative, kissing him back with twice the intensity. Her fingers danced over his jacket, sliding it off his shoulders as her attention turned to his shirt buttons, undoing them with unusual ease. "Hmm..." Mulder mumbled as he worked on her blouse, still nipping at her neck when he would wrench his mouth free from hers. "Been awhile for you too, hmm?" "Shut up, Mulder..." Her hands deftly pushed his shirt off his shoulders, forcing him to break contact with her; but only for as long as it took to remove the offending item and toss it across the room. Scully paused, her fingers resting atop his belt. Nibbling her ear, he waited for a second before speaking. "You know, I can still be thrown out..." "I'd much rather wear you out." She replied, her hands still not moving. "I'm just..." A nervous shiver. Reluctantly removing his hands from where they had been caressing her back under the silk blouse, he carefully undid his belt and zipper; letting his pants fall to the floor. With a kick he was free of them, reaching down to flip off his socks with a smile. Scully murmured something he couldn't make out as her hands traced a path around the elastic waistband of the boxer shorts. "My turn..." Mulder whispered as he slipped his hands around to undo the clasp on her bra. The first two attempts failed, bringing a chuckle from his partner. "Thanks for the vote of confidence..." He replied with an exaggerated groan as he finally accomplished his task; his hands roaming around to cup the now-free breasts. "You know what laughing does to my morale..." "It encourages you..." She chuckled again as his hands crept down to her waist, expertly undoing the zipper at the front of her slacks. Taking ahold of them, he slowly knelt down in front of her; drawing them down with him. His tongue lazily traced a wet path down between her breasts and to her navel, where he paused for a second; swirling his tongue in the small indentation. An uncharacteristic giggle broke loose. "Ticklish... have to remember that..." Mulder mumbled as he slid the slacks off her feet, picking up one foot and then the other. "Knee-highs, Scully? Thank you..." She opened her mouth to comment, but fell silent as his fingers eagerly pulled down her panties. Her hands fell onto his shoulders, balancing herself against him as he reverently removed them as well. Tossing them onto the growing pile of clothing, he pulled off his shorts with amazing speed. A hot kiss against her centre; a murmured sentence and she felt the tip of his tongue dance across her, exploring unfamiliar territory with the gentleness of a feather. "Mulder..." She gasped, putting more weight onto him as her hips bucked forward, ignoring their owner's control. Sliding his tongue back up past her navel, he lazily got to his feet again; drawing long circles around both breasts with long delicate fingers that followed the moist trail of his tongue. Finally he made his way back to her mouth, finding her eager and receptive. Wrapping his arms around her, he took a step back towards the bed; pulling her up onto the mattress with him. Now they were both on their knees, facing each other. Scully put a hand on his chest; feeling the heartbeat under her palm. She let her breath out slowly then drew her face up to stare at him. In the shadows she could see a smile, a boyish happy grin. Putting his hand atop hers, he gently pushed it down between the two of them. "This..." He let out a soft groan as she drew her hand up the length of him and back down again. "This isn't sympathy, Scully. This is nothing but wanton lust for you." She arched one eyebrow as she repeated the movement, seeing how his breathing became more strained and quick. "Wanton lust?" "Hell, Scully..." His hips bucked forward. "I can't lie to you..." Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close; pushing at her as her hand went to his waist. "Feel that... that's not me thinking of you as anything but a woman... one I definitely want to know in the Biblical sense..." Opening her mouth to respond, she could only gasp as he rubbed against her; stroking the fire that had been lit a few minutes earlier. Pressing his mouth to her neck, he captured a sliver of skin in his teeth; nibbling at it before releasing it and moving up to her ear. "You are perfect to me, Scully... you've always been perfect..." Pushing her back down on the mattress, he hovered above her; raining kisses on her neck, her shoulders, her breasts... wherever he could reach. She could feel him still sliding against her; rocking back and forth with a delicious friction that made her want to scream. Tangling her fingers in his hair, she pulled him up to meet her eyes. "Mulder... I'm not perfect..." He chuckled. "Enough for me, Scully..." Another thrust, another teasing wet slide of his hips. "Enough for me..." Dipping his tongue down to trace another wet circle on her shoulder. "Maybe too much..." She laughed, changing it to a gasp as he finally slid inside her; his arms encircling her and holding her tight. His breath echoed in her ears, his heartbeat pounding in her soul as he began to increase the tempo of his thrusts and she responded; her hips bucking up to meet him. One hand rested on the small of his back as the other snaked up his slick skin; taking a firm grip in his hair. Her body was not her own now, but belonged to whatever they had created between them; whatever was in control now. Because it wasn't Dana Scully in charge here. Or Fox Mulder. He heard her start to hum, then groan. Increasing his speed, Mulder bit down hard on his lower lip to try and ignore the demands of his own body; trying to hang on as long as he could. Putting his hands on each side of her face, he lowered his lips to hers; feeling her breath rush out into his mouth and taking his own breath back. Suddenly she tensed, clutching at his back as she arched up under him with a soft cry; her hips crashing against his in a frantic explosion. That's when he lost it. Totally and completely tumbling into oblivion with her; one final thrust and his own pained cry and falling and falling and falling... *********** Scully opened her eyes slowly, seeing the first rays of daylight creep into her room. Jet lag central. No matter how many times she came home from the other side of the country, it still caught up with her on the second day. She froze. She was alone. Turning over, the redhead looked at the crumpled blankets; the pillow haphazardly lying on the bed. "Dammit, Mulder..." She whispered under her breath, feeling the tears begin to rise. "I told you..." Sitting up in the empty bed, she drew her knees up to her chest, running a hand through her tousled hair. "I told you..." The sobbing broke free with the tears, merging as they ran down her face. Suddenly a shadow crossed the sunbeam, splintering it into a thousand shards of light. "Hey, FBI woman..." He paused in the doorway, clad only in his boxer shorts. Seeing the teary woman in front of him, he frowned; a typical Mulder-is-confused look on his face. "I just went to turn off the coffeemaker..." Letting out a burst of laughter amid her crying, she nodded as he climbed back into bed; wrapping his arms around her as he braced himself against the backboard, pulling her into his lap. She let her breath out slowly, rubbing the tears away into his arm. "Jeez, Scully... you're going to kill my ego with things like that. I usually don't like to leave them crying..." Turning her face to his, she chuckled. "Only in your dreams, Mulder..." He pouted. "Hey, I have great dreams..." He tightened his grip on her. "But right now a helluva better reality..." A grin and a soft kiss atop the fiery locks. "And a helluva woman." ***************