TITLE:  The Only Truth that Matters
AUTHOR:  Chariot
E-MAIL:  allie13171@gmail.com
DISTRIBUTION:  I would be flattered, just ask first! =)

RATING:  G
CATEGORIES:  V, R, A
KEYWORDS:  Mulder/Scully romance, post-episode, character death
SPOILERS:  anything up to This is Not Happening

SUMMARY:  This is a short look into what Scully might have been 
thinking in the days and months following the events of This is 
Not Happening and before DeadAlive.  Written Momento Mori 
journal style.

Disclaimer:  Mulder and Scully still belong to 1013 and FOX.  I 
like to think of them as someone else's children - cute and fun 
to play with for a while, until I decide to send them back when 
I don't want to deal with the responsibility anymore.  

Author's Notes:  After getting some good response and feedback 
from my first ever fanfic "Back to You," I have actually written 
another!  I really thought that first one was just a fleeting 
bout of inspiration that wouldn't return, but here I am again.  
This one is not quite as happy, but there is hope in there, and 
we all know how it ends anyway.


The Only Truth that Matters
By Chariot


You are gone and I am lost.  Nothing can save me from this 
earth-shattering truth.  You once told me that the truth would 
save us and I wish you had been right.  Unfortunately, we have 
both been lost to its quest, and as I carry the weight of this 
truth, I realize that I do not want to know it anymore.  
Anything I uncover from here on out means nothing if you are not 
around to share in it with me.  Yes, I will carry on your work 
that over the years has also become mine, but I cannot promise 
to persist with the same passion as before.  My fire died with 
you on that cold, unyielding forest floor.

I will, however, continue to write to you, as I did when I had 
my cancer.  I find it comforting to think that you may still 
know my thoughts even when you are forevermore beyond my 
physical reach.  Any link to you that I can find to hold on to these days 
means a stronger chain I can use to rein in my sanity.

In reality, your death has made me physically sicker than 
anything I went through during my cancer treatment, and it is 
only the piece of you that I carry inside of me that has allowed 
me to keep living.  The promise of once more looking into your 
eyes when I have this child is what keeps me walking around.  
Without it I would have surely come to join you by now.  I hope 
you understand my delay.  

Our child just moved and it takes my breath away every time.  It 
is joy and anguish mixed together.  It is feeling the undying 
love for a being I have yet to meet and the unending pain of 
knowing the love it will never get to know from you.  If I do 
nothing else with my life, I promise to raise our child to know 
you and to know how much you loved it, even though you never 
knew.  The stories our child will get to hear.  You will be a 
hero in the grandest adventure ever told and a legend in our 
house.  Don't worry, I will leave out the fluke-worm thing and the 
times you screamed like a girl.  

If I can give this child even just a fraction of the good 
memories and love that you have given me, I think we will be 
alright.  I just pray that wherever you are you can keep an eye 
on us because I know that I cannot do this alone.  I will need 
to look to you in the starlight for advice and reassurance of 
how to keep your spirit alive as I become both mother and 
father.  

I don't care what anyone says, nothing I have experienced at the 
FBI or in the X-Files has prepared me for this new journey I am 
embarking on; the only one in which I will not have a partner to 
watch my back.  I am prepared for it to be hard, but I am also 
prepared for it to be one of the most amazing things I will ever 
accomplish.  It will be in good company among my other cherished 
achievements of earning your trust and receiving your love.  

In all honesty, I did not need science to tell me the minute I 
had lost you forever, and I do not need scientific evidence to 
tell me that we have a partnership that spans the constraints of 
time and space that now keep us apart.  Our love, trust and 
strong bond are everlasting forces that will not be broken, and 
I only need to close my eyes and feel how you are with me still 
to know it to be true. 

It is now the only truth that matters.  I think, in a way, it 
always was.


Fin.

Thanks for reading!  I always love feedback so please feel free 
to email me.