Title: Memory and Other Things (1 of 1) Author: Spookyteacher Rating: PG Category: S, A Subcategory: MSR Spoilers: US8 Archive: Spooky Awards and Epehemeral have permission to archive. I've already sent it to Gossamer via atxc-xfc. All other site managers who want to archive it-- please just e-mail me (spkyteach@aol.com) where you have it. I want to visit your very tasteful sites! Summary: This is a fill-in-the-blanks story that takes place between Vienen and Alone. Mulder and Scully discuss some things we never got to see them discuss in "real time." It would help to read my Pizza Guy story, Watching and Wondering. You can find it at http://www.geocities.com/spookyteacherfanfic or Ephemeral. Feedback: Please send all comments to spkyteach@aol.com. Notes: My other stories can be found at my archive, http://www.geocities.com/spookyteacher (Spookyteacher's Classroom X). Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunmen, Skinner, et al, are the creative property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Television. You guys have written them so well I can't resist having a go at it myself. I really am a classroom teacher, which is synonymous with POOR. Hint, hint... Dedication: This is dedicated to Susan, who's vignette, No One Asked, inspired this little story. You can read No One Asked at http://members.tripod.com/sfrankovich/index.html. It's also dedicated to members of the WayToGoDavidDuchovny Yahoo! Group. The discussion about Mulder's lack of closure inspired this little ditty, too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Memory and Other Things by Spookyteacher ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 7:36PM "Real Birth: Women Share Their Experiences" Scully sat on her couch and studied the cover of the book her mother brought by earlier. She frowned slightly as she opened it and started reading. After reading just the first page, she closed her eyes and shook her head. She was a doctor. She'd delivered babies before. Not a lot, but she had delivered some babies. She knew what labor was like. She did not need this book to tell her what to expect. A sudden, powerful kick punctuated her thought. She winced and her hand flew to the scene of the attack: the left side of her abdomen. Did she really know what labor was like? As the doubt seeped into her, a sudden knock on the door startled her. She set the book on the coffee table and stood up. It took a little more effort these days to get up from the couch. Soon, she might have to consider just sitting in the chair. The knocking became obnoxiously loud and repetitive as she walked to the door. "I'm coming, I'm coming," she called. That pizza guy was in one heck of a hurry, she thought. She made it to the door and looked through the peephole. Her head popped away from the door and a surprised expression filled her face. She quickly unlocked and opened it. The Pizza Guy and Mulder were staring back at her. While she recovered from the shock, the pizza guy addressed her. "That'll be twenty-nine ninety-five, Miss Scully." She pulled money from her robe pocket and handed it to the young man. He handed her the pizza box in exchange. "Mulder," she turned to her partner even before she'd completed her exchange with the pizza guy. "What are you doing here?" Mulder didn't answer. Instead, he watched her and the Pizza Guy. "Thanks," the pizza guy said to Scully. Mulder noted the exchange of smiles. "I'm glad you're feeling better," he continued. "Thank you. And thank you for helping out that night," Scully offered. Suddenly, the pizza guy became painfully aware that Mulder was staring at him, making him self-conscious. "Ummm... I'm glad I could help... Anytime..." He looked up at Mulder, who was still staring at him. "Take care of her." Mulder's eyebrows lowered and his stare softened; he hadn't expected that. Scully, too, seemed surpised at the pizza guy's comments. "Bye." With that, the pizza guy left them staring after him. Once he'd disappeared around the corner, Scully turned and headed back into the apartment. "You coming in, Mulder?" she called over her shoulder as she walked to the kitchen. Snapped from his reverie, Mulder walked through the doorway and shut the door behind him. "I see you're still ordering pizza with a tank of gas." She grabbed some plates from the counter and walked back to the couch. "You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?" Mulder didn't answer as he stood just inside the door watching her as she set the pizza and plates down on the coffee table before sitting back on the couch. She looked over at him, waiting for an answer. "After you called," he replied as he walked to the couch and sat down next to her, "I decided to come over here and get the full report." She shook her head. "I told you. The doctor says I'm fine. The baby's fine, too. End of report." She grabbed a plate off of the table. "No," he protested. "Something else is going on. She said something else. What?" Scully looked away from him and leaned forward to open the pizza box. She grabbed a slice of pizza and sat back against the couch. He stared her down as she ate her dinner. She looked over at him. "Want a piece?" she offered. "Help yourself." Mulder's gaze did not waver. She looked away again and ate another bite. She tried to ignore his silent prodding and probing, but he was good. She soon crumbled under the scrutiny. She slammed the plate down on the table and tossed the pizza on it. "Okay, okay. What do you want to know?" "Just what she said. Something's wrong. You're not exactly happy. I want to know why." She sighed before answering. "Well, I am fine. And the baby is fine," she reassured. "But..." Mulder steeled himself. "But?" She pursed her mouth momentarily before answering. "She's worried about the abruption of the placenta. She's concerned it could recur and worsen with stress. So, she's ordered me to start my maternity leave. Effective immediately." Mulder took in her expression and tone of voice. She hated this. He carefully considered his response. "Have you told Skinner? Or Doggett?" She shook her head. "I will tomorrow." He considered it some more. His gaze fell to the coffee table and he noticed the book. "Well, looks like you've already lined up some suitable reading material." She smiled, weakly. He knew he needed to do better. "I know you're disappointed, Scully. You were hoping to work until your due date. But if the doctor says..." He stopped. He knew he wasn't saying anything she didn't already know. She was looking down, studying the patterns in her robe. She was numb. She couldn't imagine what life was going to be like when she was not working. Mulder realized nothing he could say would help. So, he simply reached for her hand and wrapped his fingers around hers. Scully looked up and saw his hand in hers. Her gaze then went to his face. No words were spoken. She knew what he meant. And he knew her reply. "Got any iced tea?" he broke the silence after a minute or two. "Yeah, help yourself." She reached for her pizza, letting go of his hand. Mulder walked to the kitchen and got the tea out of the refrigerator. "Want some?" he asked as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard. "Please," she answered around a mouthful of pizza. Ten seconds later, Mulder walked back into the room carrying two glasses of tea. "Here you go," he told her as he set her tea on the table. Scully looked at the glass of tea and a smile crept across her lips. "If there's an iced tea in that bag..." "...could be love," Mulder finished, recalling that conversation so long ago. They looked at each other, half-smiling. She quickly looked away, her gaze dropping to her abdomen. "Whoah!" she exhaled. "What?" concern flooded his voice and face. "No," she assured. "Just a really healthy kick." She reached over and grabbed his hand, placing it on her stomach near where the baby had kicked. The baby didn't kick again. He started to pull away just as she tried to reposition his hand to where the baby might move again. He inhaled sharply and jerked his hand away. The sudden motion shocked her. She looked over and saw him grimacing and rubbing his wrist. "Mulder?" He looked up and saw her concern. "It's just," he started, "well... sometimes they hurt. Even though they're pretty much healed, they'll ache or throb at times." She nodded and looked away, leaning back against the couch. "Don't you want to know?" She looked back at him and noted his expression: confusion and... hurt. She didn't understand. "What?" she asked him. "Don't you want to know what happened to me? I mean," he shifted uncomfortably, "you haven't asked me if I remember anything about my abduction. Aren't you the least bit curious?" His tone was stiff. She closed her eyes and exhaled sharply. She'd been hoping to avoid the subject, at least for a while. There was no way to avoid it now. He wanted to talk. Before she could answer, he leapt from the couch. "What the hell is going on here?" He studied her for a couple beats. "Why haven't you asked me about it? Do you just not want to know? You just don't care what happened?" His tone had shifted to offensive, accusatory. "No," she answered honestly. "I'm just... I'm just not sure I want to hear all the details." This was not what he wanted to hear and he looked away. She quickly added, "I mean, I'm not so sure I can take hearing about the wires pulling on your face or the saw that ripped your chest open or the drill that bored into your mouth." His attention snapped back to her. "How did..." "That," she continued, not hearing him, "and I did not want to push you. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready. I didn't want you..." "Scully," he interrupted. "How did you know about the wires and saw and drill?" She met his eyes and answered plainly. "I saw you. I saw you in my dreams. They were torturing you." She looked down quickly as her eyes filled with tears. Remembering that was painful. He studied her solemnly. Then, a low laugh rushed involuntarily from his mouth. She looked up sharply. He walked back to the couch and sat down, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, it's just that you're..." He studied her for a moment, searching for the right word. "...so different. It's going to take some adjusting to get used to you believing in aliens and talking about your dreams like that." "Mulder, a lot happened while you were gone." "I know, I know," he quickly agreed, briefly glancing at her swollen abdomen. "But, you need to understand that a lot happened to me, too, while I was gone." She took a deep breath. "You want to tell me." She resigned herself, leaning back against the couch. "I'm listening." He saw her expression and posture change. She was listening, but was very wary. He couldn't just tell her what they had done to him. He needed to tell her what had happened to him. He decided the best way to start. "I thought I knew what to expect, after studying all those abductions." He shook his head. "But, I was wrong. All those people described the pain from all the experiments." He paused a moment. "It was more than just physical pain." His face took on a faraway expression. "I mean, the wires on my face did hurt. And that saw hurt like hell!" Her hand moved to his arm, almost involuntarily. "But, it was much more than that. It was being trapped for so long. And not hearing people talk. All I saw was him." "Him" came out through gritted teeth. "Him?" He met her gaze. "The Alien Bounty Hunter. He was the only living thing I saw. That is, until I started to hallucinate." "You hallucinated?" She was concerned, but not really surprised. He nodded. "Yeah, I had visions of Samantha, the X-Files office, Skinner, and you." "Mulder?" "Hmmm?" "Do you remember being taken?" she asked in a low voice. He nodded slowly. "I put my hand in that electric field, force field, whatever it was. Then, I was inside. I saw Billy Miles and the Hoeses. They were all there. And I knew I had to go. There was no turning back. As much as I didn't want to, I knew I was going." He stopped for a couple seconds, as though remembering it all. "I saw Skinner, but I had no way to tell him what was going on." "Didn't want to?" Her question surprised him. "What?" "You didn't want to go?" Her eyes searched his face for an answer. He shook his head. "No." He seemed baffled by her question. "I had too many things..." he hesitated before finishing, "too much back here." She looked at him, but he couldn't read her expression. Quiet fell on the room for a few minutes. Mulder leaned his head back against the couch. "I remember everything..." She, too, leaned against the couch. The pain in his voice was almost too much to bear. "I tried to focus on things I knew, things I remembered," he explained, even though she had not asked. "I recited the Star Spangled Banner, the Preamble to the Constitution, baseball stats, parts of DSM IV, X-Files... anything to keep my mind off what was happening. After a while, I'd re-enact, in my head, conversations I had with Skinner and Dad and Mom... and you." He stopped for a second before continuing in a lower voice. "I have to admit, Scully, in retrospect, some of my jokes are pretty lame. I can't figure how you put up with my crap, sometimes." She looked over at him, but he was looking at the ceiling. He had smiled momentarily, but she could see his facial muscles tighten again. This was very hard for him. "Then, I had these visions," he continued. "I hallucinated that you were there. That Skinner came storming in with a bunch of agents. Crazy stuff!" He shook his head. "Toward the end, I had trouble." Her eyes narrowed. The word "trouble" worried her, particularly after everything he'd described. What could be more trouble? His voice was low, almost a whisper. "I couldn't picture Mom or Dad or Sam anymore. I know it was because my body was just trying to survive what they were doing to it. I knew that then, but it didn't make it any better. I wanted to remember. I NEEDED to remember." She continued to watch him and could see his whole body tensing as his voice grew more and more strained. "I couldn't remember what my apartment looked like, the X-Files office, this apartment...I couldn't even remember..." His breathing was now fast and his hands were balled into fists. She wanted to say something, but found herself unable to speak. If she did, it would come out in sobs. His sudden leap from the couch startled her and a lone tear escaped. He moved quickly to the window and stood with his back to her. His stance told her he was extremely upset. She rose from the couch and moved up behind him. After several seconds of considering what to do, she raised both hands and placed them on his upper arms. As soon as she touched him, he spun around, nearly knocking her down. Her hands dropped to her sides and she looked up at him as he glared down at her. "Why?" his voice was thick with emotion. "Why are you so different? Why is everything different? I wanted..." The tears broke free and poured down her cheeks. "Why, Scully? I wanted to come home to everything as it was. I mean..." He struggled to explain. "I know things change, that I was gone a long time, but I didn't..." He looked at her face, now contorted with pain, mirroring his own. "I wanted everything to be the same." She took his hand and squeezed it. Finding the strength to speak, she began in a soft voice. "Mulder, so much happened while you were gone. I mean, it was six months..." She looked up at him, hoping he'd understand just how long that was. "I know how long it was. It just seems..." He looked away. "It seems like you went on with your lives and forgot about me." There. He'd said it. Now, he prepared himself for her answer. He couldn't look at her. He could feel her body sag, but she did not let go of his hand. "Mulder?" she called in a strained whisper. He didn't look at her. "Mulder?" she attempted again to get his attention. When he didn't turn his head, she pulled on his hand. This made him look at her, but he didn't make eye contact. Instead, he focused on their clasped hands. It was enough. "Mulder," she reiterated her call to gain his attention with another hand squeeze. "I NEVER gave up. I NEVER forgot about you. I had the Gunmen looking all over for that ship after we lost you in Arizona. They were tapping into that satellite array so much I thought for sure they'd know what we were doing. I just knew Kersh was going to call me in and chew me up one side and down the other. But, the guys were good." He was still looking at their hands, but she could tell he was listening. She went on. "Unfortunately, they couldn't find any more organized sightings. It's like you just... disappeared. I don't know where they took you, but we could not locate that ship. And Gibson Praise couldn't tell me where you were. He lost you, too." She watched his face hoping to see some relief, but he was still quite upset. "I did have other things going on," she added with emphasis. This brought his attention back to her face. "I... I didn't know what was going on with me. I didn't understand. And I was terrified something might happen..." She struggled to explain. "I took some big risks..." She closed her eyes to stop the tears and her voice broke off. Mulder reached a hand up to her face and wiped away some of the tears. He then wound his hand behind her neck and pulled her head to his chest. She fell against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. They stood there crying and consoling each other for several minutes. He kissed the top of her head and she stroked his back. "I remember coming back," he mumbled into her hair. She looked at him. "What...?" "Well... all I remember is seeing Jeremiah Smith." She nodded. "He was there. He said he was trying to help all the abductees. But, right after we found you..." She closed her eyes trying to block that painful memory. "He was taken." Fresh tears came and she leaned back against him. She still found it hard to believe that he was really back... that she was holding him know. They stood there for several minutes, just holding each other. Mulder reassured her, "I know you looked for me. I know that! It's just... so much was done to me and I missed so much." "But you're back now. You're back." Saying that felt so good. He stroked her back and a mild smile filled his face. "He's pretty active, huh?" he said softly. He could feel the baby moving as he held her. "He?" she asked into his shoulder. "Or she," he quickly amended. "Calling it 'it' seems wrong." She nodded. Finally, she pulled back a little, still smiling. "We better eat this pizza or the cheese really will be all congealed." She turned back to the couch, but he grabbed her hand. "Why didn't you press me to tell you what happened to me?" She met his gaze and shuddered under its intensity. "Why didn't you push me like you always do... did?" he corrected. "You always pushed me. You made me work for it. But, now..." She looked at him, her own expression now matching his intensity. "I told you. I didn't think I could bear to hear it. That and I have newfound appreciation for how you endured my skeptical needling after working with John Doggett these past months. It's not easy holding your own when your partner is constantly questioning your theories. Granted those theories may be a little... out there. Let's just say I now understand that pushing someone is not always best. Sometimes you have to let them pursue their own path and be open to what that path may lead to." His intense gaze softened into a bemused smile. "It's going to take some getting used to, this new true-believer Scully." "Well, she doesn't believe everything," she warned. "Yet," he added. She looked at him and he recognized the look he'd seem many times since his return: relief, awe, a little fear, and happiness. He was growing fond of this expression. "If we don't eat that pizza we'll have to call the pizza guy to bring us a new one that's hot," he advised as he started to lead her back to the couch, holding her hand. She smiled wickedly. "Really?" He looked back and pulled her toward the couch. "Now, none of that," he chastised. "You want to waste a perfectly good pizza just to see some pimply faced kid again?" "Well..." was her entire protest as she sat and picked up her slice of pizza. Mulder noted her protest. "Does he bring you neat presents? Does he give you keychains and dolls?" he queried as he snagged a slice of pizza from the box. "Does he drive you crazy like I do?" He took a bite of pizza, then realized that last part didn't sound right. He looked over and saw her smiling at him. "No," she answered simply. They looked at each other for a couple seconds. Finally, he took another mouthful of pizza and reached for his glass of tea. "Mulder?" "Hmm?" He took a sip of tea and looked at her. She hesitated for a moment before asking, "What are you up to Wednesday morning?" His eyes narrowed as he tried to read what she really wanted. "Well, there's Rosie. And I'm getting hooked on The E! True Hollywood Story. Sometimes they make X-Files look tame. Then there's Discovery Health's Emergency Room show." He saw her looking at him, but she wasn't amused as he'd hoped. In fact, he could see this was something important to her and she was having a hard time with it. He got serious. "Why?" "Well," she began, but didn't quite seem to know how to say what she wanted. "Doctor Speake suggested... She said that I need to..." He waited quietly, wondering what could possibly be causing her such trouble. "Mulder," she began again as she looked at him but didn't quite meet his eye. "I've registered for a childbirth class.." She hesitated again. "What time Wednesday?" he asked before she could finish. "Ten-thirty," she answered as she met his eye. "How about I pick you up at ten?" he asked as he used his hand to wipe a bit of sauce from his chin. She smiled. "Thanks, Mulder." The End ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hope you enjoyed it! Please send feedback to spkyteach@aol.com. Thanks for reading!