Welcome to the Healing (1/1) by Aurora Vere Category: SA Archive: Spookys, okay. Ephemeral, okay. Gossamer and ATXC, okay. Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: Orison Keywords: Orison post-ep Summary: Who was at fault in what happened to Donnie Pfaster? Scully knows. Mulder is unconvinced. Is what he says actually the truth? Can there be healing from a sin so great? Disclaimer: Please don't pay me for extending the ep a little. I can't afford a lawyer on the salary I've got. :) Feedback: see end of story. Author's Notes: This goes out to CC and Co., for a brilliant, thought-provoking, and overall creepy episode. I couldn't sleep for hours. :) Thanks to all the Neophytes and my new underground buds...you know who you are. :) Thanks again for everything. ----------------------- "'Agent Scully did not act unaccordingly or wrongfully in any way involving the death of Donnie Pfaster, and her actions regarding Mr. Pfaster were unavoidable.'" She blinked, once, continuing to read. "'As the sole witness to his death, it is my opinion that Agent Scully acted purely out of self-defense, in light of the recent circumstances involving this case.'" Her eyes wandered from the paper, across the room, where he stood, facing out the window. "You stand by this." It was a question, more than a statement. She was too tired to raise her voice. She watched him nod, slowly, as he turned from the window. "This is what you think," she murmured, again too tired to raise her voice in a question. Nodding, he walked toward her, kneeling beside the bed. "Scully, you know what I think," he said, his voice barely audible. "That bastard would have killed us both if you hadn't shot him." She felt herself nod, once, and felt the familiar bile rising in the back of her throat. "He was unarmed, Mulder." "I know." "He hadn't done anything." "What, pull a gun on you? He'd done everything *but* that." She said nothing, choosing to focus on the window, on the wall, anything but that penetrating stare of his. "Scully, he would've done something. You sensed it, somehow, precognitively, and you took action." She felt his hand there, against her cheek, warm, soft, soothing. "You did nothing wrong." Tasting the bile in her mouth, she swallowed again. Nothing could erase the taste. Nothing could erase the stains on her hands, the crimson drops burnt into them in the heat of her anger, her rage, years and years of repressed memories on display, for all the world to see. She'd killed an unarmed man. At close range. In cold blood. No matter what he said, she was guilty as charged, if not in the eyes of the law, in the eyes of the Creator. Only He had the right to take back what He had given. She felt his hand stray to her shoulder, his fingers idly caressing the smooth skin there. "Scully, no matter what you think, no matter what happened, you did nothing wrong." She could feel his face, closer to hers, but couldn't bear to look at him. She'd done everything wrong, and yet she couldn't remember doing anything. "That wasn't me, Mulder. That wasn't me." She sensed his reaction, mere seconds before the frown spread across his features. "I don't know what happened, what directed me to do it, but for one instant, one minute in my life, I was outside my body. Something else took control. I can't explain it and I don't even want to analyze it. I'm just glad I have control again." She sighed, closing her eyes. Silence permeated the room, thick, heavy, as the sunlit haze filtering through the window. Then when he spoke, finally, she found herself able to look at him, but for only a second. "You think the Devil did it." She nodded. "I hate to say this, Scully, but it's been used before. Too many times." She nodded again, more from habit than from his response, and murmured a reply. "Maybe there's a reason why so many people have said it, Mulder." She could sense him frown again, could hear the questions he was asking to the core of her being, and chose instead to speak aloud, to answer them directly. "Why do so many people claim demonic possession in murder cases? Why do they say the Devil made them do it? As cliche as it may sound to the rest of us, maybe it's the truth, Mulder. Maybe that's what happened to me." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him move closer to her. "The reason why so many people claim the Devil made them do it, Scully, is because they *have* no other reason. It's a piss-poor defense for an open-and-shut case." "Do you think I have another reason?" she asked him, nearly interrupting him. "I think the fact he wanted your hair and fingers to help him get off is reason enough." She saw his face turn crimson, livid with rage, as red as the blood on her hands. "Now you can say what you like, Scully. You can believe whatever the hell you want to about the Devil taking over your body and making you shoot that bastard, but I know the truth. You just wanted to be free." She felt the bile returning, the salt rising in her eyes to pool there in liquid tears. "You just wanted to be free," he repeated, cradling her chin in his palm. "Free from all the shit you've been through, with Donnie, with your abduction, with everything that's happened in the past seven years. And I don't blame you, Scully. I don't blame you." Helpless to avoid the rush of tears streaming down her face, helpless to staunch the bloodstained wounds of her soul, she could only sit in silence, staring at him, absorbing his words into her. "This is why I defended you today," he said, his voice nearly a whisper. "In spite of what happened, what you did was right. It healed you. Cleansed you, purged the devil out of you rather than inviting him in." Another stream of tears fell down her face, and she could do nothing but sit and stare into his velvet eyes, helpless, powerless to argue. And finally, something soft, something gentle, appeared in those warm velvet eyes, a balm to her soul. "Welcome to the healing, Scully." She felt his lips press against her hands, searing the sin from them. ************************************************************* Liked it? Please send feedback to AuroraVer2@aol.com. Thanks!