TITLE: If Wishes Were Dreams Realized AUTHOR: dlynn CATAGORY: post episode, UST, angst DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Xemplary, Spookys, gossamer, yes. Others, yes, but I'd like to know so I might visit. :D SPOILERS: Sein Und Zeit RATING: PG SUMMARY: I was inspired, what can I say. This takes place during the night at Mulder's apartment. FEEDBACK: dlynn1550@my-deja.com ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I want to thank Iona for encouraging me to do this. And, I especially want to thank GS for joining my insanity and providing a top-notch beta. DISCLAIMERS: We all know Mulder, Scully and company are not mine, but I can wish...right. My other stories can be found at http://home.mpinet.net/laster If Wishes Were Dreams Realized If wishes were dreams realized, then Scully knew what she'd wish for him. She desired an end to his pain, an end to his years of torment and unfulfilled hopes. How much tribulation could one person be expected to bear? How much loss should one person have to deal with before he was allowed to grieve? As Scully held onto the sobbing Mulder, stroking his hair and whispering words of comfort, she screamed at fate's injustice. She railed at life's capriciousness that would allow this man to suffer for so long and with such little hope. What held him together? What gave him the strength to persevere through all the years of obfuscation and dead ends? And, would this be the straw that finally broke him. "No... Scully. She was trying to tell me something. I know it. She knew something about Amber Lynne, she knew something... about Sam," he cried, grasping on to her with all the strength he had left. "Mulder. I know you want to believe that she wouldn't do this. That she wouldn't kill herself-" "Scully, she wouldn't leave me," Mulder said, bringing his tear stained face up from her shoulder. "She couldn't be so cruel, Scully... She wouldn't abandon me-" Scully held his trembling body as he released over 25 years of grief. It was too much, this kidnapping, his mother's death. Would this release him from the pain, finally? Would it allow him to put resolution to the demons that had driven him for so many years? Or, would this be the thing that pushed him into hopelessness, over the edge from genius into madness. "Scully, you are all that's left. My sister's dead. My mom... My father. There's nothing left." Scully felt his words like a knife to her soul. For years she had known what they meant to each other. For years it had been the two of them straining against the lies and deceptions. But, could she be 'everything' to him? "Shh... Mulder. I'm here. I'm not leaving. You are not alone," she murmured, sitting down on the floor and pulling his head into her lap. "Scully, please don't go. I need you... I need you," he whispered as his sobs diminished and his breathing quieted. "I need you-" Scully sat there, realizing he had drifted into sleep. His head was settled in her lap, his long legs sprawled out on the floor behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist as though he doubted she would remain. As she looked at the desk he'd tried so hard to tip over, gazing on the blinking red light of his answering machine, she felt the enormity of this moment. Gliding her fingers over his glistening cheeks, rubbing his shoulders, rocking him in the silence of his apartment, Scully felt her own fragile emotions give way. She had tried to be strong for him, not letting her own tears be added to his. But, now with his quiet slumber, his restless sleep, she could release her own pent up feelings of pain and frustration. Her heart broke. It was as though she could physically feel the wrenching of it within her chest. Her years of anguish, the aching traumas they had both suffered from a world that treated them as indestructible automatons all gave way in that quiet, dismal place. She felt her shoulders quake, the tears stream unbidden down her face and into Mulder's hair as she bent her head over his, cradling him to her chest like a worn out Raggedy Ann doll. "It's not fair-" she murmured. "It's not fair." With the small amount of emotional strength she had left, Scully gently shook Mulder's shoulders, attempting to awaken him. He stirred and opened his eyes, noting her haunted countenance. "Scully...shhh... No, please don't cry for me," he whispered, pulling himself up and reaching his arms out to her. Grasping her trembling form, he drew her by her hands up to her feet beside him. "Please, Scully...not for me." Tenderly wrapping her in his arms he brought them over to his couch, settling his long body lengthwise across the leather cushions. Seeing the urgency in his gaze, noting her own fragile state, Scully hesitated as he tried to pull her down on the couch beside him. This was too much. Their emotions were to near the surface. As much as they meant to each other, this would be a mistake... one that might haunt them in the light of day. "No... Mulder. I don't think this is a good idea," she breathed as she remained sitting up on the couch beside his reclining form. "Please, Scully, I just want to hold you. I just want to feel you next to me...I promise, that's all." Scully looked into his beautiful hazel eyes. They were clouded with pain and longing. And, she could not refuse him this. Kicking off her boots, she reached over the top of the couch, pulling down an afghan that had been thrown haphazardly behind them. Stretching herself out in front of him, her back to his front, she pulled the afghan over them, cocooning them in crocheted warmth. Grasping her tightly around the waist, his other arm nestled up under her auburn hair, Mulder sighed. "My mom made me that. I don't remember how long ago. It's funny. I guess I've always had it." "She loved you, Mulder," Scully murmured gently, grasping the hand that was curved around her abdomen. Twining her fingers through his, she pressed his hand more tightly into her, locking them together. "I know." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Scully woke suddenly. Her arms flailed in front of her as she felt herself tipping forward. Grasping the edge of the leather couch, she managed to right herself before she fell to the floor. 'Mulder!' Getting up quickly from her precarious position, she stood in front of the couch. Mulder was thrashing wildly. His features were contorted, his breathing labored and anxious. "No..NO! " "Mulder, Shhh... Mulder. You need to wake up, sweetheart," Scully implored as she attempted to wake her struggling partner. "Please, Mulder." As quickly as it had begun, the thrashing stopped. Mulder's body froze like a statue. His eyes popped open, he scanned the room searching for something. Searching for- "Scully," he breathed. He raised his body to a seated position. Running his fingers through his hair, Mulder threw his legs forward off the couch. He bent at the waist, bringing his head down between his legs. His arms rested on his knees, his hands rhythmically clenching and unclenching. Scully placed her hands upon his shoulder, providing small, smoothing strokes in counter point to the frantic movements of his hands. "I'm still here, Mulder. Although, your treatment of guests leaves a lot to be desired. You nearly threw me to the floor." "Sorry about that." "Bad dream?" "Yeah... You could say that," he said. He got up from the couch and headed into the darkened kitchen. She wasn't sure what time it was, but it was obviously late. They had huddled together under that blanket for quite awhile. Removing her jacket and throwing it over the back of the chair, Scully grabbed the afghan off the floor where it had fallen and wrapped it snugly around her shoulders. She followed him into the kitchen, noting his stance in front of the open refrigerator door. Taking the glass he'd grabbed from the cabinet from his hand, she reached around him and filled it with the cold water kept in his fridge. Nudging him with her hip out of the way, she closed the refridgerator door behind her. The kitchen was once more couched in darkness. "Thanks, Scully," he said, accepting the glass from her hand. "What are partners for?" "Yeah... well, you've definitely had more than your share of partnerly duties over the years. Just putting the old "Spookster" back together one more time, huh?" he ruminated, heading back into the living room. He stopped and stared at the blinking red light. Scully gently stilled his fingers just as they fell upong the answering machine playback button. "No more, Mulder. No more." "Scully, I-" Tugging the afghan from her shoulders, Scully turned her partner gently until he faced her. Reaching high, she settled the afghan over his tired frame. "Come on, partner. I think it's time you went to bed and got some real sleep. You're exhausted." "Scully, I can't sleep," he replied, rubbing his hand tiredly over his haggard features. "And you are cold, keep this. Why don't you take the bed, I'll stay here on the couch." "No...Mulder. I think this time, protocol be damned. We're both taking the bed." "Scully, are you sure?" "Yes, Mulder. Tonight we _ need _ each other. I don't want to be alone either." "Scully." "Shhh...What are partner's for...After all 'I'm your one in five billion'." "One in five billion?" he shook his head. Trailing his finger gently down the slope of her cheek and resting it on her quivering bottom lip, "Hell, Scully there's no number big enough to describe the enormity of what you are to me." Reaching up on tiptoe, Scully paused at the edge of his mouth. "Mulder...To infinity and beyond," she said, kissing him gently with the promise of love in the midst of his dark, dismal hours of sorrow. The End