Story: Fate Author: Nichole Rating: NC-17 Classification/Category: MSR, RST. Spoilers: "all things", season eight content. Summary: "Mulder, I want to talk about fate. About our fate." Feedback: Are you kidding? PLEASE! scoob4u@yahoo.com Archive: As long as you ask me first... Disclaimer: Well, they aren't mine. I have gone to great measures in the past to reiterate that fact, but I will merely say that they just aren't mine. They belong to the one who created them, as they should. But I have to say that what has and will happen to them in season 8 and beyond just sucks. 'Nuff said. *The Story* Cold. Cold is what I felt. I felt cold and achy, cold and alone. I pulled myself lazily off of the sofa and made my way to his kitchen, getting myself glass of water. I pondered going home, making the tiring trip back to Georgetown at two o'clock in the morning, but reconsidered the thought as being absurd. My neck ached from sleeping in such an odd position on Mulder's sofa and I found myself looking for a bottle of Tylenol. After successfully attaining two of the familiar white pills, the next thing on my hazy agenda was to use the bathroom after the cool drink of water prompted my bladder to respond. I made my way through the small apartment and into Mulder's bedroom, carefully opening the door so as not to wake him. I crept through the room and stopped at the end of his bed on my way. The moonlight that beamed through the half-closed blinds danced across his delicate features as he slept. His chest rose and fell evenly, his breath steady and constant. His expression was that of a child in a blissful, deep sleep. I felt the air in my lungs take leave, and I smiled into the darkness. I must have looked like a child myself. It was sometime during this euphoric state that my bladder once again made known it's fullness and impatience and I resumed walking towards the bathroom. From behind me, I heard a soft sleep-induced groan. The sound made me stop, look back, and see if my attempt at being quiet was all in vain. From what I could tell, he was still sleeping soundly, but he had rolled over in the bed. I became very conscience of the sounds that I was making, and tip-toed the rest of the way to the bathroom. Once the pain of a full bladder was alleviated, I turned off the light in the bathroom and opened the door. I noticed the change in his position from the one that I had last seen him in, and secretly wondered if he was just pretending to be asleep. I walked quietly back to the foot of the bed and saw him move once again, this time more aware of his surroundings than before. He turned his head towards me and through the dim lighting of the moon, I saw his eyes gaze sleepily into mine. "Scully-" he slurred. "What're you doing awake?" "I was just leaving Mulder, go back to sleep okay?" I nervously replied. For a moment I thought he may actually do as I told him to, but then I saw him sit up straight when I began to walk again. "Scully, It's after two o'clock. You shouldn't be driving this late." "I'm fine Mulder, go back to sleep," I assured him before turning to leave. He threw the blankets off of him and stood, stretching his long arms above his head for a moment. I turned to watch him and he yawned loudly as I found myself involuntarily doing the same. "Yeah, sure you are Scully," he grinned. "No, really, I'm awake," I responded, stifling another yawn. "Why don't you just stay here for the night and go home in the morning?" He asked innocently, once again taking my safety into consideration. "Mulder, I-" "No, I insist. You can have my bed, I'll take the couch. It's not like there's a difference to me anyhow, I'm used to both." Before I could argue, he made his way to his dresser, and began to look for something. "Damn it," he cursed. "I don't have any clean shirts!" He turned around to look at me, as if sizing me up for something. "Here, take this one, I just put it on, I think it's fairly clean," he instructed, sliding the gray material off of his chest and over his head. He tossed it to me, and I caught it successfully, breathing in the soft Mulder musk that it bore. "Mulder, you didn't have to-" "Yeah I did," he interrupted. "You can't wear your work suit to bed." I didn't know how to deny that, so I let it go. I didn't need to win every fight, and it seemed as though I had been losing a hell of a lot lately anyhow. He stood there for a moment, not sure what to say or do before running a hand through his badly mussed hair. "Well, g'night Scully," he said quickly, beginning his stride out of the bedroom. "Mulder, wait..." He turned around to meet my gaze and I felt my breathing hitch. "You don't, I mean... You don't need to sleep on the couch Mulder, this is your room," I nervously stammered. "I refuse to let you sleep on the couch Scully, it's molded to my shape, not yours. And I'm afraid it would be really uncomfortable." "That's not what I meant Mulder," I interjected. "I meant that you can stay in here with me," I looked over at the bed beside me. "I don't mind sharing." "You sure about that Scully? You do know that means we will have slept together don't you?" He laughed. God, how I love it when he laughs like that. That little nervous "I'm going to finish my sentence with a small giggle just to break the awkwardness of the moment" type of laugh that is just so Mulder. We get into an uncomfortable situation, and he will joke and laugh until it makes me forget the discomfort of it all. -Well, sometimes that is. It was so strange that I had never noticed that about him before. "Well Mulder, as long as it doesn't get around to my boyfriend, then I think we'll be safe," I joked back, winking at him in the process. "Okay then," he yawned. "I didn't really want to sleep on that old piece of shit anyhow," he chirped, climbing back into his bed with enthusiasm. I stared at him for a moment before walking back into the bathroom to change, leaving him behind to fall back to sleep. Once inside of the rather small bathroom, I looked around inside it as though I had never been there before. Mulder was actually a clean person. I never doubted that he believed in daily showering, but his bathroom actually smelled of Pine-Sol. His toothbrush was neatly shut away in his medicine cabinet, along with his comb and all other general grooming equipment. I saw his favorite bottle of cologne there as well, sitting on the shelf like a forbidden fruit. I decided that it surely had to be the aroma of Mulder that I was accustomed to, and I couldn't resist the urge to smell it, to take in the scent that he deemed worthy to bathe himself in. I picked up the clear bottle and slowly twisted off the cap, careful not to spill any. The smell was intoxicating, just as I knew it would be. I twisted the cap back on and shut the bottle back into the cabinet before I took off my trusty work suit and slid his gray T-shirt over my head. The smell of Mulder's cologne was so strong that it made my head spin. My stomach twisted in knots and I felt faint. All of this because of one shirt... I couldn't begin to imagine what spending a night in his bed with him was going to do to me. The shirt swallowed my small frame and reached all the way down to my knees. I looked in the mirror at myself and nearly laughed, seeing how ridiculous I looked. I remember thinking how it was a good thing that Mulder would probably already be back to sleep so that he wouldn't see me this way. Lord knows that I was going to be the first to wake in the morning. I finished my bedtime primping and opened the door to his room. I walked silently back to the bed, this time going to the left side of it. Upon reaching my goal, Mulder flung back the blankets, making me jump to almost all of the way to the ceiling. "Mulder, you scared the hell out of me!" I scowled. A faint laugh from somewhere deep inside of his chest rumbled, making my mood alter to one of simple anger. I couldn't imagine being his mother. He must have driven the poor woman insane. "Scoot your ass over!" I nearly shouted, climbing into the bed. I loved making him think I was mad at him, he always tried to make me feel better in the end. Well, he'd do that or piss me off even more. I laid on my side, facing the wall and tried to stay as close to the edge of the bed as I could. I had to keep some form of sanity even though the smell of him was driving me wild. I felt him move closer to me and his left arm went to hold me, wrapping it around my side and gently taking my hand in his. "Goodnight, Scully," he breathed into my ear. All traces of anger left me immediately and I began to melt around his touch. "Mulder-" "Yeah?" "Can we talk for a little while, at least until I fall asleep again?" "Sure Scully," he murmured, placing his head on my shoulder. "What do you want to talk about?" I couldn't take the suspense, the questions that perplexed my mind were driving me insane. "Mulder, I want to talk about fate. About *our* fate." "What do you mean? Like yours and mine?" "Yes, like yours and mine. What is going to happen to *us*?" "Well, I have it on good authority that we are going to wake up in the morning and head to work, just like we do everyday. You'll probably be up before me, so can you make sure I'm up before you leave?" "No Mulder, that's not what I meant." "So, were talking true fate here, is that what you meant?" He nailed it. Just as I knew he would... all those close encounters and every damn time he knew what to expect. Crazy theories, but smart as hell. "Mulder, I never thought I'd say this to you, or anyone for that matter but... I *need* someone. I need someone like any other thirty-six year old woman does. I never thought about fate the way I do now. It just seemed to be one more thing to scientifically prove wrong. One more X-file to debunk. Now that I know the true power of it, I'm afraid." "What exactly are you afraid of Scully? Afraid of it's existence, or afraid of it's implications?" "Both." I turned my head to look at him, and rolled over in the bed. I needed to face him, to see how the conversation was affecting him before I could say any more. "We've been through so much together Mulder," I calmly said, looking into his eyes. "I've spent a lot of years just waiting. Waiting for the right time to say this, and to mean it the way that I do," I further explained. I searched his eyes for permission to continue. I needed the reassurance that I knew only he could give me. I could see that he was confused, not sure of what I was trying to say. "I love you Mulder, and not in a partnerly, best-friend kind of way. I love you like a man, like a need that I have. I've spent so much energy to hide that from you that I,-I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of waiting and wanting. I'm tired of being on the bottom of your totem pole, desperately trying to claw my way towards the top. I'm tired of watching other women being able to look at you the way that I want to. To touch you the way that *I* want to touch you." A tear ran down my cheek without my permission and he swiped at it with his thumb. "Job be damned Mulder, I just want things to be easy for us. I want *this* to be normal." His features changed from a gawk to one of intensity. I thought for a moment that he was going to yell at me, to tell me to leave and never come back when his face drew nearer to me. I closed my eyes and waited for the sensation to come, to feel his lips touch mine, but my wait was in vain. I opened my eyes to see him, to find out why he had not done what I so wished he would, and found that he was just staring at me, a tear streaming down his face. "Mulder?" "Scully, I can't give you normal," he whimpered. "I can't give you what I don't have." I brushed the tear from his cheek, repeating the same motion that he had done before and sighed deeply. Somehow, I knew this was coming. "Mulder, I just want you. You, for me, is normal," I smiled. "As odd as that may sound." I saw him smile through his tears and I felt pride in myself for being responsible for it. I knew in that moment that I could spend the rest of my life making this man smile. "So, what makes you think that this is the life that you want?" He asked me, his tone as sincere as ever. "You want to be stuck with a self-centered egomaniac alien chaser for the rest of your life?" "Let's face it Mulder, I'd be stuck with you no matter what, so it might as well be because I love you." "You know, I think you're right about that," he smiled. "Well I know I'm right, who else would have you?" I teased. He laughed for a moment and stopped to speak. "Oh, Scully, Scully, Scully." "Hmm?" "Shut up and kiss me." I did as he asked, slowly moving towards him with all the love and affection that I felt. My lips met his in a light graze, in a testing of the waters between us. My graze was met my a hand on the back of my head, cupping it gently, but pushing it hard towards his face. Our kiss was emotionally charged, hard and passionate. I moved my mouth upon his, only to be rewarded by his thrusting tongue meeting mine. It was a dance, a ballet of need and desperation. I moved my hand from his face down his neck and to his chest, gliding along his skin as I took his tongue into my mouth. Once finding his bare nipples, I stopped to caress them. A moan came from somewhere inside of him and I rubbed harder until they became erect. I pinched the small peaks before my hands slid lowed, seeking my true reward. I began to pull on the drawstring of his pajama bottoms, when his hand covered mine and he pulled away from our intense kissing. My eyes had been shut, but at his reaction, I opened them to see him staring at me with a look of questioning. I understood immediately what he was asking with his eyes, and answered with a chaste kiss upon his lips. His grip loosened on my hand and allowed me to continue with his help. I untied the string and the bottoms slackened around his hips, bringing my arousal to a new height. We broke the kiss and then worked to slide them down his thighs, my hand gently gliding over his bare skin as I drew them down off of his body. I knelt on the bed and scanned his body with my eyes, from toes to forehead. I let the sight lull me, to let it work it's magic on my body. I felt a familiar wetness pool between my legs and couldn't resist the urge to shed my clothes and show him exactly what he was doing to me. My hands crossed in front of my body and I hooked my fingers under the gray material of his shirt and lifted it from my body. He watched every move that I made, staring at me so intensely that I could almost feel his eyes burning into my skin. I moved towards him on the bed, crawling on all fours to rejoin his mouth with mine, straddling his hips with my own. His hands skimmed down my body, along my sides and he hooked his thumbs into the tight elastic sides of my panties. I moaned into his mouth as I lightly rubbed myself against his straining erection through the fabric of the constrictive garment, demonstrating how badly it needed to be removed. A strange feeling of nervousness overwhelmed me and I froze. I laid my body on top of his, remaining motionless and breathing heavily. "Scully?" He throatily called. "Scully, I'm sorry." A feeling of fear crept into my stomach and I knew immediately that he thought that he was taking advantage of the moment, advantage of me. I fought hard against the fear and pulled my head from his chest to stare at him in the eyes. I nearly cried at the sight, so loving, so concerned. The raw honesty that this man possesses has eaten away at me on a number of times and I knew that his main concern was my happiness, not his. Most people would consider my partner selfish, but in truth, he is the farthest thing from it. He would gladly risk life and limb to save me, to save anyone. Why do you think that he wasted all those years of his life running around searching for his sister? He had been shot, humiliated, and even killed for his quest but did he ever stop to think about how it was affecting him? No, he just kept searching. It made me sad to think that no one else knew this about him but me. "I'm fine Mulder," I smiled. "I just have a little stage freight." "Are you sure?" I answered his question with a kiss, not wanting to feel the hurt and pain of his life any longer. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted us both to be happy. His mouth left mine and he pulled down on the elastic of my panties, pulling them mid-way down the length of my thighs. I straightened my back and kneeled to push them down further, only to lay my body on his once more as we pulled them off of my calves and feet together. He reached his lips down to my neck and kissed me there, dragging his full bottom lip across my skin and leaving a wet trail to dry in the open air. His hands were on my back, massaging and rubbing down my spine before moving further down my body to cup my rounded flesh. I rubbed against him, eliciting a moan from both of us at the intense contact. His hand moved to the front of my pelvis, his fingers entwining themselves in the hair of my sex. "Scully," he whispered against the flesh of my neck. "Yes Mulder?" I asked throatily. "Let me taste you there," he pleaded. I answered silently by collapsing onto the bedside him, my head spinning and my body scorching hot, I breathed heavily as I felt him shift further down the mattress, situating himself between my legs and taking my thighs in his large hands to move them apart. He reached to his side for a moment and grabbed a pillow, lightly pulling on my buttocks to lift them off of the bed. I weakly assisted and he put a pillow underneath me, his reason so considerate of both of us. Neither of us are teenagers, we both aren't capable of the odd positioning like we used to be. I found this kind act even more exciting and I wanted to scream his name just for doing it. Once in a position comfortable for us both, his hand crept from my knee to the back of my thigh, holding it up so that he could kiss me there. His teasing was so pleasurable, but I was beginning to grow impatient. I absently reached down to touch myself, not even meaning to do so and he caught my hand in his. I looked down at him, wanting him to show me why he didn't want me to touch myself for him. I thought that he would enjoy my eagerness to please him and I didn't understand why he didn't want me to do that. He shot me an incredulous smile before taking my first two fingers into his mouth and closing his eyes, teasing them with his tongue. The sensation shot directly to my aching sex and I moaned loudly as my hips jerked off of the pillow. He pulled my fingers from his lips and guided my hand with his to my folds, watching intently as I touched my overly-sensitive flesh. "Touch yourself Scully," he practically moaned. I needed no further urging and I slid my fingers into the warm flesh between my legs, delving inside of my slick center. I pumped my fingers in a fashion that was familiar to me, the wetness making my digits slide easily in and out of me. Gathering enough moisture, I slid my fingers up to the tight bud outside and flicked it mockingly before moving in a circular motion around it, my hips rotating to create a heavenly friction. My orgasm was building, but I stopped, realizing that I didn't want it to be this way. I wanted Mulder to be the one doing this to me, not my own hand. I opened my eyes to see him gazing intently between my legs, absently stroking himself as he watched me. "Mulder?" I gently called. His movements on himself stopped, and he immediately bent his head down to taste me, moving the obstruction that was my hand from my body. His first lick was a shock. I couldn't even begin to imagine what much more of it would do to me. He slid his tongue down to my center, licking at the moisture on the outside of it. His tongue then plunged into me, his head bobbing up and down as reached inside. My hips moved in motion with him, my need overtaking my body. He pulled his tongue from inside me and moved it up to lick at the bundle of nerves that ached so badly. Repeating my earlier motions, he flicked roughly at me, then rolled his tongue in a circular motion around my erected flesh. I moved my hands down to his head, needing to feel like I had some control over the things that he was doing to me. A few circles, and an occasional flick of his tongue, and I felt the orgasm pool in my abdomen. My body began to stiffen and my muscles contracted as the colored lights of my orgasm exploded behind my eyes. His tongue pressed against my bundle of nerves, riding out my orgasm along with me. Once the spasms ended, my head slammed against the pillow and my legs fell slack. My body felt like dead weight, like it had been drained of everything that it once had. Mulder crawled up my body and kissed at my throat, his straining erection pressed up against my still quivering center. I nudged myself against him, inviting him inside of me. His face pulled away from my neck and he looked into my sleepy eyes, a smile invading his beautiful lusty expression. "But what if you get pregnant Scully?" My immediate reaction to this joke was a bad one. The reference to my inability to have children jabbed into my heart like a javelin. "I'm sorry Scully, I didn't mean to say that," he apologized quickly, seeing the hurt in my face. "But who knows? There's always that chance..." "Mulder, don't fill me with any more false hopes of a miracle. I don't think I can take it." "Never close off to the possibilities Scully, sometimes they're the only things worth living for." I reached out to touch his cheek with my hands, smoothing the pads of my thumbs across his bottom lip in a fashion that was so familiar. "You're all the miracle I need," I breathed into the space between us. Without any more hesitation, he guided himself inside of me, the most beautiful mix of peace and pleasure playing across his face like an overgrown cherub. He began to move inside of me, slowly at first, but then gaining speed as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. His hot breath hit against my skin, making it flush and I began to feel another orgasm building inside of me. A warm rush of liquid flooded my senses and I tilted my hips to receive him deeper inside. His new depth brought him more pleasure and I heard him groaning louder as his movements became shorter and faster. His hands slid down to cradle my hips as he pushed into me and I felt him squeeze hard, his own orgasm beginning to build. I pushed into him, brushing his groin against my clitoris and creating a friction that was pleasurable for us both. I began to spasm again, my inner walls gripping him inside of me and I felt him release into me as his body came to an excruciating halt. I opened my heavy-lidded eyes to watch him, to see the expression on his face as he emptied his entire soul into mine. His teeth bit roughly onto his bottom lip, the pressure of them almost capable of cutting the skin. I couldn't bear to see him damage it any longer, so I hooked my hand behind his head and captured his lips with mine to stop it. A few moments later, his body collapsed on mine. He lied there for what seemed forever and his body weight was beginning to get too much for me to handle. I knew that I had to say something soon before I was crushed into corn meal. "Mulder, I love you. But-" "But what Scully?" He panted. "But, you're crushing me," I laughed. I felt him chuckle against me before he rolled to his side, pulling out of my body in the process. I never wanted to admit it to anyone, but I felt empty without him. I knew that if I decided to tell him that at that moment, his head would swell so far that I would end up sleeping on the couch after all, so I kept my mouth shut. I rolled on my side to join him, my head lying on his strong shoulder. After our breathing became regular, he pulled the sheets and blanket over us, removing the pillow from beneath me and placing it under his head. "Scully, did I ever tell you about my high school girlfriend?" "No, I don't think you've ever told me anything about your high school years Mulder. Why?" "Well, she was very attractive. Tall, dark hair, long legs, you know the type." "You mean the type that I swore to kill once I became a super-model myself?" I asked with a yawn. His laughter rippled from his chest and I couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, that type." "So, what about it Mulder?" "Hmm?" "What about your girlfriend from high school?" I asked impatiently. "Oh. Well, I almost asked her to marry me when I was eighteen." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, then I found out that she was more interested in one of her girlfriends," he admitted. "You're kidding me!" "No, I'm serious. She was a long legged lesbian." "So, what does that have to do with anything Mulder?" "Well, when I was eighteen, everything seemed so final, so here and now and that's it. I thought for sure that I was destined to be with her, that she was put on this earth for me to love. I thought it was fate." "So it took her confessing that she was a lesbian for you to realize it wasn't?" I asked, beginning to laugh at the misfortune of my dear Mulder. "No, I knew because I had this dream, prior to her telling me that she was a lesbian. I dreamt one night about this woman that I had never met before. She was considerably shorter than I, maybe by about six or eight inches. She had this amazingly bright red hair, you know the kind most people dismiss as being dyed?" I nervously nodded into his chest, the realization of what he was saying finally hitting me. "Well, I dreamt that we made love. I dreamt that a lot, so much that I finally decided it had to be my destined lover. That the woman that I was with at the time was completely wrong for me, and that I was supposed to be with some short, hot little red-head." "And this red-head, have you found her yet or am I just a fix until you find her?" "No, you know, I think you're it Scully. But I have a sure way of proving it though," he yawned. "Oh, and how is that?" "Well, my dream woman gave the best oral stimulation that any man could ever wish for," he sarcastically grinned. "Well, then I guess instead of the truth, we should be searching for a tongue talented red-head," I teased, pretending to be upset by what he'd said. "The FBI says that you should concentrate your investigations in the areas where you are most likely to succeed in finding your evidence..." He might have finished his sentence if I hadn't pulled the pillow from behind his head and hit him in the face with it. He looked at me questioningly, and grabbed the pillow back, tucking it back behind his head. I snuggled against him and planted one last kiss on his mouth, muttering small words of love and contentment. "Apology accepted," he pouted, putting his arms around me. He slept that night, but I did not. I couldn't process everything that had happened, and the thought of losing him because of work made me sick. I decided to leave early that morning, avoiding any discussion on the matter and hoping that we could both remain adults at work and in the field. I decided that not allowing anyone to suspect the truth about the special connection that we had just begun to share was in both of our interests. It happened in private, and it needed to stay in private. We had nothing to prove but our love, and that part we had taken care of. As I sit here now, lightly rubbing the roundness that is my stomach, I know that Mulder was right that night. The only things worth living sometimes are the possibilities. I pray to God that he is right. The possibility that he will raise from the dead and come back to me is my only hope. Why would God allow me that small amount of happiness only to take it back? I try to tell myself that it was fate that brought us together, and only fate can truly tear us apart. Lord, let fate be stronger than the will of nature. *The End* Author's Notes: Well, I suppose that the first "rough draft" of this story Was not what I intended it to be. I re-read this story and decided that it didn't Live up to it's potential. I wanted it to explain more about Scully's feelings than It did. I hope I did a better job this time. Thank you so much for reading! Please visit my homepage at: http://www.geocities.com/scoob4u/Nicholes_FanFic.html