Title: Affirmation Author: Laura Sprys E-mail (for a bit of feedback): short_and_cute@hotmail.com Date: 11/21/00 Category: MSF/MSR Summary: Takes place immediately after 'Orison' Rating: PG (what the hell) Archive: Anywhere and everywhere .. just let me know Disclaimer: If I owned them, Pfaster would have had his head blown off in the first episode but Fox/Carter know best (I'm just borrowing them for a minute or three) $%&$%&$%&$%&$% "Come on Scully, let's get out of here." Scully slid off the bed in response, moving back to her dresser, she methodically tossed some clothes in her ever present and highly traveled suitcase. Pulling out a pair of jeans and a shirt, Mulder took his cue and shut the bedroom door, turning his back but not leaving, which she was thankful for. Slipping the clothes gently over her head and then past the bruises that were spreading over her entire body, she sat back down on the bed to pull her socks on. "You can turn around now." Mulder moved over, kneeling to finish tying her shoes for her, "let me get those .. I can imagine that leaning over isn't exactly comfortable is it?" Shaking her head, "I think I now know what asphalt feels like." As he picked up her suitcase and followed Scully to the door, she dropped both the pajamas and the slippers into the trash without missing a step. Stoically, both walked past the police and other agents milling around the interior of her now dilapidated home, one of the officers's opened his mouth but one look from Mulder made him think twice and save the questions for later. Ducking under the police tape that cordoned off the apartment, Mulder led them to his car. The trip back to his place was silent -- Scully lost in herself and Mulder waiting patiently for the storm that would have to erupt from his partner eventually. $%&$%&$%&$%&$ Pulling up to his apartment, Mulder walked next to Scully up to the door. Fitting his key into the annoyingly sticky lock, he heard her quiet voice, "thanks for letting me stay." "Well, your mom's away and I couldn't' let you sleep on my desk." Letting a small smile fall on her, "way too much shit piled on it. "But it would have given me an excuse to make you clean." "Perish the thought." Taking the elevator to the familiar floor and hallway, they got into the apartment without another word. Turning an apologetic face toward her, "I still haven't gotten the bed fixed. Is the couch okay?" Standing dejectedly in the doorway, "where will you sleep?" Retrieving a sleeping bag from the bedroom, "the chair of the floor." Noticing she still hadn't moved, he took her hand and led her to the couch, "I have a tendency to toll of it so I end up on the floor anyway." By now Mulder knew he was babbling inanely and only out of sheer willpower did he make himself stop. Crouching back down in front of her, "would you like some tea? Something to eat?" Still carrying that blank look in her eyes, she responded quietly, "some hot chocolate would be nice." Hopping to his feet he went into the kitchen, "back in a minute." Good to his word, he returned with two steaming mugs. Handing one to her, she wrapped her hands around it, hoping the warmth might stave the chill that had seemed to settle into her bones. Mulder sat down next to her and began drinking. Raising the warm liquid, she drank slowly. The sweet smell made her nauseous and the moment the milk hit her stomach; she knew she was going to be sick. Mulder watched her start to drink and saw her go pale almost immediately. Realizing what was coming, he followed her racing figure into the bathroom. She had just managed to lift the lid of the toilet and drop to her knees before her stomach reversed itself completely. Kneeling beside her, he gathered up her loose strands of hair and held them 'til she had finished. Her stomach quieted and with a final cough, Scully reached up the flush the toilet. Taking the wet washcloth Mulder handed her, she wiped her face before finally sitting to lean back on the wall. Quietly Mulder sat down next to her, "guess I should have checked the date on the milk carton." Looking over at him, Scully saw for the first time the splatters of Pfaster's blood on his shirt. Her eyes swam and her stomach heaved again. Mulder instantly had her head held over the bowl, waiting patiently for the second wave to finish. Sitting shakily back again, she whispered, "I'm sorry." "I'm the one who offered the food." Regarding her trembling hands and clammy face, "do you want to lay down or sit here with me for awhile?" Closing her eyes, "I would love to brush my teeth." Immediately getting up, "is it in your suitcase?" Nodding her head in reply, Mulder returned with it a moment later. Handing it to her and helping her up, "how ya feelin'?" Not answering, Scully put some toothpaste on the brush and sawed at her teeth and tongue. When she was done, she laid the toothbrush on the counter, "would you mind doing one more thing for me?" "'Course not." "Would you wait here while I take a shower?" Reaching into the cupboard under the sink, he handed her a couple of towels and a washcloth, "cleanse thyself woman." Walking into the hallway, "I'll leave the door open a bit." Pointing to the floor across from the door, "just holler if you need me." $%&$%&$%&$%&$%&$ Mulder heard the shower turn off a few minutes later. Standing back up, he passed a large t-shirt of his as well as a pair of sweatpants through the door, "here you go. You didn't pack anything to sleep in. Hope these will do." Scully took them and emerged from the bathroom a moment later, "thanks." Trying only to smile, "they're a bit big." "It's okay. I like them." Filing away the feelings Scully was creating by wearing his clothes, "I don't know about you but I," yawning unexpectedly, "could use some sleep." Nodding, she walked out to the living room, detouring to check that the apartment door had all locks in place. Mulder noticed but didn't comment, allowing her to do whatever she had to do to feel safe. By the time Scully had turned back from rechecking the door again, he had moved the coffee table and pulled out the sofa bed. Presenting her with it in a flourish, he finally managed to receive a small smile. "Will you be sleeping out here?" Scully asked, silently pleading with him. Taking in those fear-filled eyes, "if you don't mind. The heater rattles in the bedroom and it makes a hell of a racket." Tossing his pillow on the floor next to the bed, "just make sure not to step on me if you get up." Scully crawled slowly under the covers, calling a quiet 'good night' over the side of the mattress, while Mulder made himself comfortable for what he knew would be a sleepless night, at least for him. $%&$%&$%&$%&$%&$% At first only a few tears trickled out. Then a few more started falling ... it didn't take long for the torrent to begin. Every time she closed her eyes, his face loomed before her, taunting her, whispering that she would never be safe again. His voice filler her ears and a panicked fright gripped her heart, making it hard even to draw a breath. Waves of cold washed over her, chilling her to the bone and causing her to draw her knees up in order to conserve what little warmth she may have. Biting her lip as not to scream in horror, a sob escaped which brought Mulder immediately to her side. It was the terror behind the sob that made Mulder want to cry himself. Sitting down, he held her quaking form while she finally released the pain and anger that was threatening to consume her. The moment Mulder's hand touched her, any resistance she had crumbled and she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms. $%&$%&$%&$%&$% Eventually, Scully quieted, allowing herself to be cradled in her partner's arms. His hand continued it's gentle caress of her back until he heard her whisper softly, her head still laying on his chest, "how do you think I would look as a blonde?" Snorting in response, "I think you'd look absolutely ridiculous." As she slowly sat up and turned to face him, "he wanted the red Mulder." Taking a handful of her still damp yet curling hair, "he wanted this." Shifting so one leg was on either side of her, he untwined her fingers and held them in his, "he wanted his prize Scully. He wanted to destroy both of us and you were the token to doing that. If you go blonde," examining her hands gently, "or bit off all your nails," looking back into her eyes, "or stop living your life because of him - he will win, even though he's already dead... I don't want you to stop living. My life is your life Scully," leaning over a bit to kiss her on the forehead, "and personally, I think I'd look silly as a blonde." This elicited a smile out of her, a small one granted, but a bit of a twinkle came back to her eyes, "we could always go green." Chuckling at that, "I can just imagine Skinner's face." The mention of Skinner caused tears to start forming again, "how am I ever going to answer to this?" Laying her head back down on his chest, "you'll tell the truth. Then if he says anything against you, I'll belt him in the mouth." He didn't receive a response but a much quieter question, "will I ever get him out of my head?" Before he could come up with any kind of answer, "I fought him Mulder," another racking sob overtook her but she continued, "oh God, how I fought him." By now Mulder had tears in his eyes as well as the wish that Pfaster was still alive just so he could kill him himself. The story continued to pour from Scully's mouth in jagged bits while Mulder held her tightly, "every time I close my eyes he's there, smiling down at me, telling me I'm going to die soon ... I can even hear that bath water running .. I can see him preparing things so I can be cleansed before I'm killed ... that song ..." She sat up suddenly, "how do I let this go Mulder? How?" Scully began gagging again and Mulder, having thought ahead a bit, swiftly reached over the end of the bed, grabbing the waste basket he had placed there for her. Try as she might, nothing was left to throw up. Her stomach stopped heaving and a minute later he asked gently, "mind if I move this?" Nodding her head, "go ahead." Watching his put it back on the floor, she then curled up next to him, her head back on his chest. "Just a sec." Mulder slid down so he was lying beside her, "this'll probably be more comfortable." Settling in, Mulder reached down to pull the covers over both of them, "if you get to warm, let me know." She nodded but Mulder could still feel trembling. Gathering her a bit closer and closing his eyes, she wondered at the nightmares that would fill both his and his partner's dreams. $%&$%&$%&$%&$%& Early the next morning, Scully woke buried beneath a heap of blankets, Mulder's arm slung across her stomach. Working a hand free, she pushed the covers down, revealing Mulder's head and his slightly opened snoring mouth. The moment she saw his face, she felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her. Hoping to slip out of the bed silently, she was met with a set of bones abused to a stiffness she had hoped she'd never feel again. A low groan escaped her lips and Mulder opened his eyes immediately. "What's wrong?" concern filling his voice. Letting out another sigh, "I feel like a bungee jump gone bad." Mulder got up on his knees behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, hoping he could help work out the knots. Instead, Scully let out a yelp and tears sprang into her already shadowed eyes. Shying away from the pain of his hands on her bruises, she stood immediately, stumbling and running her hip into the corner of Mulder's desk. Anger bubbled up in her and before she realized, several of Mulder's possessions had been thrown at the wall. Looking in horror at what she'd done, Scully sunk back onto the bed, whispering, "I'm sorry." Laying a gentle kiss on the back of her tousle-haired head, he acknowledged swiftly, "I didn't like those there anyway." Smiling through her tears, "neither did I." Turning her face back toward him, "am I ever gonna get rid of him?" Kissing her again on the forehead, "I hope so Scully ... God, do I hope so." Staring into her clear blue eyes for a prolonged moment, then breaking the intimate contact, "but I bet a hot bath could help get rid of some of the pain - at least the physical part." Scully nodded, afraid a sob would escape her lips. She allowed herself to be led back into the bathroom where, with the water running, Mulder excused himself and sped out into the living room. Returning a moment later, he sheepishly handed her a bottle of bath oil, "I swiped it before we left yesterday ... I've seen it there before and I thought it smelled pretty good." Sliding back out the door with a small grin, "don't melt." $%&$%&$%&$%&$% Mulder came by knocking about 15 minutes later, "still good?" When she didn't answer, he pushed open the door slowly. His eyes were met with the horror of blood, his partner's blood, filling the tub, covering the floor and still dripping from the wrists of his Dana - who's head leaned against the wall, a smile lingering on her face; a look of serenity settled over her - a peace he had stolen from her years ago. A sharp point of light glinted off the knife blade that lay in the pool of her life, now cooling on the floor. His mind cracked, the beads of liquid terror running down his face. His heart froze and he dropped to the floor, praying for death as to not be left alone in a world where he would never see her smile, feel her hand, hear the sound of his name on her breath. $%&$%&$%&$%&$% Fighting through the agony, he woke with a start - still leaning on the wall outside the bathroom where Scully had asked him, for the second time, to stay while she took her bath. Panic coursed through his veins while he forced himself to knock on the door. He held back a sob when he heard her sweet, life-filled voice calling back to him. Hoping his voice sounded normal, he asked if he could come in for a moment. Wanting to see her face to prove to his still pounding heart that she was still indeed alive. Mulder slowly looked around the door to find his Scully staring mystified back at him, her hair curling in tiny tendrils around her neck and forehead from the steam. Closing his eyes momentarily with relief, he opened them again in response to that beautiful voice asking, "Mulder, are you alright?" Coming completely into the room, "just making sure I was wrong." Pointing to the floor next to the tub, "sit and tell me how in the world you could ever be wrong." After he had followed orders, blissfully storing the image of her glistening body in the tub alongside the one of her wearing his clothes, he answered, "let's just be happy that I was and leave it at that." Setting her probing eyes on his, she studied him for a time before she spoke in a voice she reserved only for him, "I'd never do anything like that to you." His glance moves to the innocent razor he had left on the back of the sink, then to the pocket knife still attached to his belt hanging off the hamper. Meeting her eyes yet again, she reached out a dripping finger and traced the line of his jaw, "I've got way too much to do and too many opportunities to prove you wrong yet again - I'm not about to let those go ..." turning a shade pinker than normal, "or you ... trust me on that one." "He's not going to win Dana." Some of the weight she had to carry lifted form her face and allowing her eyes to twinkle at him for a moment, "he's definitely not going to win." $%&$%&$%&$%&$%& It had taken the better part of a week to get Scully's apartment cleaned, re-carpeted and re-arranged. Mulder was glad for this time ... the nightmares only gripped her in the early hours of the morning and he had been on hand every time, chasing away the evil with a soft touch and an unbreakable embrace. Scully slept next to him as she had that first night, seeking him when the dark terror threatened to crush her. Her first night back in her own apartment had been horrible for both ... they had managed to emerge from the cocoon the circumstances had created but a comforting routine had developed between the two. ... Mulder, for his own comfort, followed her home from his apartment and stayed 'til around 1:30a, waiting for her to fall asleep before making his way home. Scully would arrive on Mulder's doorstep without fail at 4:30a ... letting herself in, she would kick off her shoes and crawl into the warm nest Mulder had laid out for her next to him. Since she was already at his apartment, they drove into work together ... dutifully ignoring the comments and rumors that flew fast and furious. $%&$%&$%&$%&$%& They had finished a rather mundane yet complicated case just that afternoon; with mounds of paperwork looming in the future. Mulder let them both into his apartment and made his way immediately to the bathroom, the three bean burritos he had had for lunch not agreeing with his stomach, intestines and various other regions. Dropping her coat, bag and shoes at the door, Scully gave a rather large yawn, grabbed up some of her normal clothes that seemed to have found their permanent home on Mulder's recliner. Making her way into the bedroom, she finally shed the scratchy wool she had been wearing for the last 13 hours. By the time Mulder emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of Lysol, Scully had made two cups of tea, set them on the coffee table and promptly fell asleep in the corner of the sofa. He stopped to watch her, noticing once again to his relief, that even the vicious purple bruise tracing it's way up her neck was slowly fading to a faint green. She was finally beginning to heal both outside and in. As he sat next to her to join her in a well-deserved nap, Mulder wondered if it was abut time he began to persuade her to stay the entire night.