TITLE: Faith
AUTHOR: Spangle
RATING: G
CATEGORY: MSR, Angst
DISCLAIMER: The characters within this piece
of fanfiction do not belong to me.  I just
love them so.
SPOILERS: TINH extended scene
AUTHORS NOTE: Written because this scene always
seemed to end too soon for me.  Many thanks
to Sallie for doing the beta on an 'un-Sallie-safe'
piece.
FEEDBACK: Is always welcomed. spangle1013@msn.com


'Faith' by Spangle




She sits up in bed with a frantic cry, "No!"  Her room
is dark and quiet--too dark, too quiet--too much like her
nightmare.  Scully reaches out a shaking hand and turns
on the bedside lamp.

Gulping air frantically, and feeling like she still can't
breathe properly, she tries to calm herself.  Slowly the
hammering of her heart inside her chest slows to a
nearly normal steady thud.  Oh God, this damn dream!  She's
had snippets of it for the last week; this time it went on
long enough for her to see clearly.  'Mulder.'

Getting up she dresses as quickly as she can.  She
feels like she's going to explode if she doesn't
talk to someone about this.  Grabbing her jacket
she rushes outside and knocks hesistantly on the door
of the room next to hers.

Skinner comes to the door in his undershirt; Scully
stares at him with wide, suspiciously wet eyes.

"What if he's dead?"

And there it is--blurted out, in four small words--her
worst fear.  The possibility she has tried everything
in her power to push from her mind.  But the longer
Mulder is missing, the higher the probability she
will have to face it.

"I'm sorry."  Scully shrugs, hanging her head slightly
"I just had a bad dream."

Skinner nods.  "Let me just get some clothes on."
He turns back into his room and Scully
wanders across the parking lot of the motel to a grassy
area, and occupies herself by staring up at the stars.
The stars comfort her somehow; they bring Mulder closer
in a way she can't really explain.

In a matter of minutes, the towering form of her superior
stands beside her.  His size is comforting too--so tall,
like Mulder.  And then she's speaking, the words seemingly
forced out of her.

"I once had a talk with Mulder about star light--how it's
billions of years old.  Stars that are now long-dead, whose
light is still traveling through time.  It won't die that
light...maybe that's the only thing that never does.  He said
that's where souls reside."  She pauses, struggling to
hold in her tears.  "I hope he's right." she says finally.

Skinner's arm goes around her shoulders.  "If you're
trying to prepare yourself, I want you to stop." he says.
"Nothing says we're going to stumble across him in some field.
Nothing says he won't be fine."

She can hear the determination in his words, but the tears
start to come anyway.  Between the stress and her hormones,
they're almost impossible to avoid these days.
She buries her face against Skinner's strong chest and
starts to cry in earnest, feeling his gentle hand stroke
her hair.  God...she misses him.  She misses him so much.

Skinner shakes her shoulder carefully.  "Come on Scully.
Let's go some place a little warmer."

Scully nods through her tears, and allows herself to
be led back inside the motel.  Seating herself
on the unused bed in Skinner's room, she waits for him
to seat himself opposite her before she begins.

"I keep seeing him.  In my dreams they're hurting him.
Performing tests.  Only the tests are more like torture,
and he's in pain.  He's in terrible pain and calling
out for me."  Fresh tears well up in her eyes and she
angrily brushes them aside.

"There's more isn't there?"  Skinner asks her in a
careful tone.

"The tests I've seen in my dreams, and what was done
to Teresa Hoese...I think what I've dreamed is true.
And tonight...tonight I saw Mulder.  Only instead of
them performing tests on him...he was dead.  They
had left him in their torture chamber, his blood running
onto the floor.  He was already dead."

"And you're afraid this dream might be prophetic too?"

The terror in her eyes when she answers him, rips Skinner's
heart in two.

"Yes."  She speaks so softly he can hardly hear her, as if
she's afraid to even admit it out loud.

Skinner is silent for a long time.  He hasn't ever seen
her like this.  This fearful, emotional, fragile woman
is so unlike Scully.  As small a person as she
is, her presence usually fills a room.  Her strength of
purpose, of character resonates.  What she's been through
the last three months has visibly changed her.  Diminished
her somehow.  The loss of her wayward partner has affected
her more deeply than her own abduction, her cancer, than
even the loss of her sister.

It's difficult for Skinner to understand, but then he's never
loved someone the way Scully so obviously loves Mulder.
And for the all the times he's envied Mulder because of
that; seeing what the cost of losing that might be he's
almost glad he's never had it.

Almost.

Finally the silence stretches to an uncomfortable length
and Scully gets up to leave, murmuring apologies for
disturbing him so late.

"Wait." he says, reaching out a hand to stall her.  "Scully,
there's something I should tell you."

"What is it?"

"On the plane to Bellefleur...he was distracted.  You know
Mulder, he's usually so focused, but he was totally
distracted.  And when I called him on it, he told me he
just wanted to get the job done and get home--to get back
to you.  I believed him Scully; I still do.  We'll find
him because he wants to be found; he wants to come back
home to you.  Put your faith in that."

Scully smiles slightly, nodding at him as she turns to leave
and go back to her room.

'Faith' she thinks, alone in the dark again.  'Faith.'  She has
faith in Mulder, of that there is no doubt.  It's her faith
in herself that's been badly shaken.  Three months ago she had total
faith in her ability to find Mulder.  Now...in her heart, she
feels she may have run out of time.




Fin.